Name: People skills
ISBN: 9780671622480

People skills

Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution. A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love....You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other....Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you.... People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these "roadblocks" damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations. People Skills will show you: How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques How body language often speaks louder than words How to use silence as a valuable communication tool How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.

What Hacker News says

scnsOct 2021

Robert Bolton dedicates three chapters to this technique in People Skills (1979), highly recommended.

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scnsSep 2021

The book People Skills by Robert Bolton [0] is great resource for getting better at this IMHO. Big mental note to finish it and really learn those concepts.

First eye opening concept were the 12 roadblocks to communication, divided in three categories:

JUDGING:

1. Criticizing

2. Name-calling

3. Diagnosing

4. Praising Evaluatively

SENDING SOLUTIONS:

5. Ordering

6. Threatening

7. Moralizing

8. Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning

9. Advising

AVOIDING THE OTHER'S CONCERNS:

10. Diverting

11. Logical Argument

12. Reassuring

[0] https://smile.amazon.com/People-Skills-Robert-Bolton/dp/0671...

(edit) formatting

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scnsDec 2020

One book i can recommend on the topic is People Skills by Robert Bolton. He lists 12 Barriers to communication in it, divided in 3 categories:

Judging: - Criticizing - Name-calling - Diagnosing - Praising Evaluatively

Sending Solutions: - Ordering - Threatening - Moralizing - Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning - Advising

Avoiding the other's concern: - Diverting - Logical Argument - Reassuring

I was shocked how many of them i "used" to sabotage my communication.

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wildermuthnFeb 2019

I use non-violent-communication (NVC) constantly, at work and at home. It basically is a method that forces you to listen and to speak without judgment. But “People Skills” by Robert Bolton is a much more scientific and nuanced approach that I’ve found greater success with. They key is to so ingrain these methods that you are no longer using a method. In the end, you simply really care about what people have to say, you delay judgment as long as possible, and you practice empathy while remaining clear about your own needs and boundaries. Also, being direct.

Just last week I sat through a meeting where no one was listening to one another, elephants were being buried underground, and we were becoming more divided. Taking a cue from ‘Radical Candor’, I invited the room’s abstract complaints and negativity to focus on me, specifically. Luckily, someone was so pissed at me and my team that they launched into a list of things we’d done wrong. That gave me a chance to listen, to show I cared, and to connect the dots with his previous discussion at the meeting. Basic stuff. But it opened the floodgates to honest conversation for the rest of the night.

I always say that computers are easy, humans are hard. Would love to see more recommendations about this topic.

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analogmemoryOct 2017

As an introvert who suffered for years with self-esteem issues I can totally relate with his words. Couple years ago I picked up the book People Skills[1] by Robort Bolton. It helped me look at how I reacted to people and often times shut down and got defensive. Or i would be so locked-up mentally trying to process my emotions I would just stop talking.

I found it's changed me in the way I interact with people now. Especially in highly charged situations like his first example. I find I have the ability to see the words and understand why the other person is being aggressive and to help defuse the situation.

What I learned is that i'll still be an introvert at time but at least I can change how I respond to people. And at times I feel more extroverted than normal :)

[1] https://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Confli...

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JSeymourATLDec 2015

> but I don't know that there's any way he could address the issues...

Biggest headache for a boss is getting team members to play nice with each other.

The ability to solve problems with ones peers is a desirable managerial quality. Interpersonal savvy is very much a learned & practiced skill. This could prove a huge opportunity for your professional growth.

Suggest reading up in this area, Robert Bolton's book on People Skills is a good place to start > http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/65327.People_Skills

Ultimately, moving on to a new company is easy. But dealing with difficult peers never fully goes away.

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