The Mind and Heart of the Negotiator

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1. DoreenMicheleMay 2020
   I think you need to make it clear that you are a maker and your limitations are more in the realm of physics -- what can work and what won't work.

   Business people tend to be more social-oriented, people-oriented. And one of the pitfalls of that is that most such people think if you just make the right friends, find the right words, push the right emotional buttons, you can make magic.

   And sometimes that's true. But sometimes what they want is a case of "Something cannot be both heavy and light at the same time. I can be light and large -- like a cloud -- but it can't be both heavy and light. Pick one."

   I do a lot of studying of social things and I hate people who are manipulative. A lot of people with serious social skills are manipulative.

   In short, many of them lie when it's convenient because they don't want to deal with negative emotions or whatever.

   So I would have them watch the Jim Carrey movie "Liar, Liar." and challenge them to use their social skills to tell the actual truth in a more acceptable manner instead of fudging.

   I would also recommend negotiating books. Hard skills when it comes to dealing with people helps make it possible to be both honest and diplomatic.

   The Mind and Heart of the Negotiator is research based and very meaty.

   Getting to Yes is also research based, but a quick, easy read.

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2. DoreenMicheleAug 2019
   Getting to Yes.

   The mind and heart of the negotiator.

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3. DoreenMicheleMay 2019
   Never Split the Difference is amazing for negotiation.

   I don't know that one, but here are a couple of research-based negotiating books:

   Getting to yes

   The mind and heart of the negotiator.

   They were required texts for my college class on Negotiating and Conflict Management. I was already good at certain kinds of negotiating, but it helped put a finer point on my abilities.

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4. DoreenMicheleOct 2018
   Research based recommended reading:

   Getting to yes.

   The mind and heart of the negotiator.

   Both were required texts for my college class on negotiating and conflict management.

   Also, understand your BATNA and get as much data as possible. Good information facilitates a win/win scenario.

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5. DoreenMicheleJul 2018
   Getting a seed round is a form of negotiating. If you know very little about negotiating, it would be a good idea to read up before you do anything so high stakes.

   Two good books that are research based:

   Getting to Yes

   The mind and heart of the negotiator

   The first is a quick and easy read. The second is much meatier. They were both required texts for a college class I had on the subject.

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6. MzJun 2017
   Let me suggest you read some good negotiating books. "Getting to Yes" is research-based and a quick read. "The Mind and Heart of the Negotiator" is also research-based, but meatier.

   There was an episode of some kid's show where there were two women who saw the future. The one who saw only bad outcomes was very happy because any time things went better than that, it was a pleasant surprise. The one who saw only good outcomes was miserable. She was constantly disappointed by life. It never lived up to her expectations.

   So, I basically try to be the person who sees the bad outcomes in advance and then gets to be pleasantly surprised when it goes better than that. That isn't entirely accurate. I don't mean that I assume that all people are dreadful, but I do assume that people will tend to act in their own self interest, even if that means hurting me.

   But I do try allow for the possibility of being pleasantly surprised. There are ways you can ruin the whole thing by hanging your crap on other people and signaling to them what rat bastards you assume them to be. So, don't go around TELLING everyone you expect them to be awful, but do be aware it is a possible outcome and account for it, to the best of your ability.

   Also, trust is earned. People need to prove their trustworthiness. That is nothing you should give away too cheaply. You can observe how they act and make some inferences about how they are likely to act in the future based on past behavior. You can also "test" people by entrusting smaller things to them and see what they do with that before putting larger things on the table. It needs to be something genuine. You need to have some real skin in the game. But make sure to limit how much of your hide they can take if it goes south, until their actions show you they will protect your hide, even under difficult circumstances.

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