Daring Greatly
Based on twelve years of research, thought leader Dr. Brené Brown argues that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection. "Every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable, or to dare greatly. Whether the arena is a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation, we must find the courage to walk into vulnerability and engage with our whole hearts. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown challenges everything we think we know about vulnerability. Based on twelve years of research, she argues that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection. The book that Dr. Brown's many fans have been waiting for, Daring Greatly will spark a new spirit of truth--and trust--in our organizations, families, schools, and communities." -- Publisher's description.
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- I don't know your situation. I personally feel I've been given a lot of advantages that other people didn't get. And yet, I'm not a billionaire. It's easy for me to set unreachable standards for myself, and feel ashamed about not meeting them. A book called "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown helped me understand some of this. I was pretty pissed off and generally drinking too much. Anyway, It sounds like you're having a hard time continuing. I'd encourage you to give the book a read if my situation feels anything like your own.
- I highly recommend reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (after completing your assignments). The book covers this topic among others.
- The following have all had a significant effect on my worldview. You can find more information at [1].
- The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich: A History of Nazi Germany
- Thinking, Fast and Slow
- Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind
- Crime and Punishment
- The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York
- Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies
- The Precipice: Existential Risk and the Future of Humanity
- Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
- Franny and Zooey
- Master of the Senate
- Atlas Shrugged
- Seeing Like a State: How Certain Schemes to Improve the Human Condition Have Failed
- Destined for War: Can America and China Escape Thucydides’s Trap?
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics
- The Scout Mindset: Why Some People See Things Clearly and Others Don't
- Artificial Intelligence: A Guide for Thinking Humans
- Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage
- Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World
- Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
- Homo Deus: A History of Tomorrow
- Ethics in the Real World: 86 Brief Essays on Things that Matter
- A Swim in a Pond in the Rain: In Which Four Russians Give a Master Class on Writing, Reading, and Life
- Humankind: A Hopeful History
- The Bird Way: A New Look at How Birds Talk, Work, Play, Parent, and Think
- Better options are available than prescription drugs in almost all cases. Almost all psychiatric medicines are essentially placebos -- often with harmful side effects including psychosis and where treating side-effects lead to a treadmill of medications. See: "Deadly Psychiatry and Organised Denial" by Peter C. Gøtzsche https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26214735-deadly-psychiat... "Deadly Psychiatry and Organised Denial explains in evidence-based detail why the way we currently use psychiatric drugs does far more harm than good. Professor, Doctor of Medical Science, Peter C. Gøtzsche documents that psychiatric drugs kill more than half a million people every year among those aged 65 and above in the United States and Europe. This makes psychiatric drugs the third leading cause of death, after heart disease and cancer. Gøtzsche explains that we could reduce our current usage of psychotropic drugs by 98% and at the same time improve patients' mental and physical health and survival. It can be difficult, however, to come off the drugs, as many people become dependent on them. As the withdrawal symptoms can be severe, long-lasting and even dangerous, slow tapering is usually necessary. In his book, Gøtzsche debunks the many myths that leading psychiatrists - very often on drug industry payroll - have created and nurtured over decades in order to conceal the fact that biological psychiatry has generally been a failure. Biological psychiatry sees drugs as the "solution" for virtually all problems, in marked contrast to the patients' views. Most patients don't respond to the drugs they receive but, unfortunately, the psychiatrists' frustrations over the lack of progress often lead to more diagnoses, more drugs and higher doses, harming the patients further."
For people facing psychological issues, see the resources I've collected in the "Health and Wellness" section of this reading list I have put together: https://github.com/pdfernhout/High-Performance-Organizations...
If you can only look at one resource, read or watch something by Stephen Ilardi, PhD, author of "The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs", whose advice is built around this quote of his: "We were never designed for the sedentary, indoor, sleep-deprived, socially-isolated, fast-food-laden, frenetic pace of modern life."
Dr. Ilardi prescribes an easy-to-follow, clinically proven program that harks back to what our bodies were originally adapted for and what they continue to need with these six components:
There are many other books as like the excellent "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker or many on nutrition (e.g. Fuhrman, Weil, Mackey, etc.) that examine aspects of this issue -- but what makes Ilardi's book so useful is bringing so many of these ideas together in a historical context. Ilardi says his advice is general and some people with specific traumas underlying their depression may need additional specific help (such as in "The Body Keeps The Score" book on recovery from trauma mentioned below).* Brain Food [supplement with Omega 3s; remember your brain is mostly fat] * Don't Think, Do [avoid excessive rumination by doing things] * Antidepressant Exercise [aerobic exercise is medicine] * Let There Be Light [get natural sunlight and supplement as needed with vitamin D3] * Get Connected [engage in face-to-face social activities regularly] * Habits of Healthy Sleep [get enough sleep by following basic guidelines]Other books that address specific aspects of depression and related issues of addiction, trauma, and perfectionism (and how they are at root deep cultural issues related to recent Western lifestyle changes) include:
For people dealing with the special case of a specific trauma for themselves or a loved one, consider reading "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel A. van der Kolk. As the blurb for that says, "Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Such experiences inevitably leave traces on minds, emotions, and even on biology. Sadly, trauma sufferers frequently pass on their stress to their partners and children. Renowned trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he transforms our understanding of traumatic stress, revealing how it literally rearranges the brain’s wiring -- specifically areas dedicated to pleasure, engagement, control, and trust. He shows how these areas can be reactivated through innovative treatments including neurofeedback, mindfulness techniques, play, yoga, and other therapies. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score offers proven alternatives to drugs and talk therapy -- and a way to reclaim lives."* "Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions" by Johann Hari. From the last chapter of the book: "You aren’t a machine with broken parts. You are an animal whose needs are not being met. You need to have a community. You need to have meaningful values, not the junk values you’ve been pumped full of all your life, telling you happiness comes through money and buying objects. You need to have meaningful work. You need the natural world. You need to feel you are respected. You need a secure future. You need connections to all these things. You need to release any shame you might feel for having been mistreated." * "Chasing the Scream: the First and Last Days of the War on Drugs" by Johann Hari * "The Globalization of Addiction: A Study in Poverty of the Spirit" by Bruce Alexander * "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction" by Gabor Maté, MD * "The Story You Need to Tell: Writing to Heal from Trauma, Illness, or Loss" by Sandra Marinella * "Writing Hard Stories: Celebrated Memoirists Who Shaped Art from Trauma" by Melanie Brooks * "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown * "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené BrownFor those facing specific issues related to suicide for themselves or a loved one, a key book is: "Out of the Nightmare: Recovery from Depression and Suicidal Pain" by David Conroy. By reconceptualizing suicide as an involuntary action that occurs when total pain exceeds resources for coping with pain, David Conroy provides a morally neutral way for organizations and society to think about suicide prevention in a productive way. Rather than focus mainly on intervening in a crisis, organizations and societies can rethink their operations to reduce participant pain and to increase coping resources. This helps everyone -- not just those who have reached a threshold where pain is very close to coping resources. Aggregate pain includes physical pain, emotional pain, and social pain. Reducing pain in any area by even a small amount may bring a person below a threshold for suicide. Similarly there are many types of coping resources from interacting with a friend, to going to a funny movie, to receiving adequate health care, to interacting with a pet. There are also some short-term coping strategies like denial or drinking which may have long-term negative consequences that become new sources of pain when done to excess.
As David Conroy says: "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could. Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources. You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible."
(I write this in memory of my friend from Princeton, Robin Rochlin Cooperman, M.D. Psychiatry, 1963-2010. I can wish that she was still alive to talk with about all this newly emerging information about increasing wellness in a wide variety of ways beyond prescription pharmaceuticals. And also I write this in memory of other friends I have lost along the way...)
- Brene Brown has several books approaching this subject. See Daring Greatly.
Could start with her TEDx talk here https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability/up-ne...
- I've learned a tremendous amount about how to be a better friend by reading "Daring Greatly", "The Science of Trust", and "12 Rules for Life", as well as from how my friends and family have helped me when I'm down.
Verbally expressing your love and support for your friend, and helping them see the positive aspects of their self, their situation, and the world around them can go a long way. If you can get them to talk about their views, and help them see when they're stuck in unproductive negative self-talk, that can be truly eye opening. Help them love themselves. Encourage them to come on a walk or run or other exercise with you; don't force them or over pressure them, but say that you promise they'll feel better.
