Name: Women Don't Ask
ISBN: 9780553383874

Women Don't Ask

By looking at the barriers holding women back and the social forces constraining them, Women don't ask shows women how to reframe their interactions and more accurately evaluate their opportunities. It teaches them how to ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable and possible, taking into account the impact of asking on their relationships. And it teaches all of us how to recognize the ways in which our institutions, child-rearing practices, and unspoken assumptions perpetuate inequalities--inequalities that are not only fundamentally unfair but also inefficient and economically unsound. With women's progress toward full economic and social equality stalled, women's lives becoming increasingly complex, and the structures of businesses changing, the ability to negotiate is no longer a luxury but a necessity. Drawing on research in psychology, sociology, economics, and organizational behavior as well as dozens of interviews with men and women from all walks of life, Women don't ask is the first book to identify the dramatic difference between men and women in their propensity to negotiate for what they want. It tells women how to ask, and why they should.

What Hacker News says

nommm-nommmApr 2017

Yes, there's a whole book about this, Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation.

https://www.amazon.com/Women-Dont-Ask-Negotiation-Strategies...

> Yet, as research reveals, men are four times more likely to ask for higher pay than are women with the same qualifications. From career promotions to help with child care, studies show time and again that women don’t ask–and frequently don’t even realize that they can.

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6d0debc071Aug 2013

Women Don't Ask by Linda Babcock is well worth reading if you're interested in this sort of thing. One particularly striking result was that MBA graduates differences in pay between men and women was around $4,000 in favour of men - which, IIRC, she claimed could be accounted for by the fact that 57% of men chose to negotiate as compared to 7% of women. Those who negotiated, regardless of gender, tended to receive around $4,000 more than those who did not.

I think it very plausible that a lot of this sort of thing comes down to wanting to be fair, not wanting to be pushy - that sort of thing. Which generally works well with other women, but not necessarily so well if your boss is a man and prefers to communicate in a different style. Especially when your access to that style is limited by there being few gender-relevant role models; a man's aggressive he's a go-getter, a woman's aggressive she's an irrational bitch.

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jdp23Nov 2011

Check out "Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want", by Linda Babcock and Sarah Laschever.

Their earlier book "Women Don't Ask" is well worth reading too.

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abandonlibertyOct 2016

Often issues are made into gender/race issues because it drives readership and clicks. It's depressing as we miss the root cause and create more alienation and conflict between people.

e.g. "Women don't ask" - a book with concepts on salary negotiation vital to many men I know.

That said, historically there was clear gender/race discrimination. There is today in pockets, just as there is reverse discrimination.

We just have to stop the discrimination.

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geofftJul 2015

Yes, definitely. This is a common hypothesis, and it gets some study. See, for instance,

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Women_Don't_Ask

http://geekfeminism.org/2011/06/17/quick-hit-one-reason-wome...

http://fdiv.net/2012/01/20/pseudo-science-and-pseudo-feminis...

There is both the possible cause of women being socially conditioned (or biologically wired, or whatever causes this) to be less confrontational, and the possible cause of women finding it riskier / being in worse negotiating positions for structural-inequality reasons.

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chloe590Mar 2015

I have the same struggle. Unfortunately, the solution is to do something, anything, to start until you become more focused and engaged. Since you do like to read, consider going off the web to some more sustained thinking on the topic. I can suggest 4 titles that have a wide range of perspective on what underpins "Imposter Syndrome" First, Feeling Strong: the achievement of authentic power was helpful to me. It's more than the self help treatment it was given by it's publishers. Person does a nice job explaining what power is and is not, not for political leaders but by everyone and debunks quit a bit of what passes as power exerted. Second, this is typically framed as a women's problem. Linda Babcock from Carnegie Mellon wrote Women Don't Ask negotiation and gender divide that takes up how those with survivor syndrome undercut themselves before they even get their first job forever bending their income curve for their entire lives. Overcomng Underearning by Barbara Stanny was a surprise sleeper to me. It also takes up money, but it primarily a workbook of exercises that really helped me. It's also useful for groups to do the work and discuss together and might get you off the hot seat with your friends. There is a whole chapter devoted to what your earning more does to your relationships including friends. I suggest taking a look. Last, Loneliness by Caciippo and Patrick. Admittedly, this one is not for the faint of heart but it does talk extensively about the phenomena of isolation, real and perceived and what it does to people individually and collectively. And I will admit, one of the best things I ever did was to get a therapist to help me put it all together. It never goes away but with tools and knowledge, it gets easier. What I learned that is most important is that you cant change yourself alone, by reading a book, you do it among other people so the task is finding the right ones to do it with.

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