Stats for nerds
2recommend
8mentions
2people
2008–2026years
100% recommend
Mentions per year
What Hacker News says
- It's not impossible (and I'd substitute "evolved" for "designed").
Yes, wanting "More" [time, money, love, status] is pretty firmly ingrained as an advantageous trait. But you can override your instincts (e.g. declining a drink when thirsty, if you learn the glass of water contains poison). And it is possible to learn to want what you already have.
How? Practice three things: Compassion, Attention, and Gratitude. (Pick any two, and the third will follow almost automatically.)
That's the central thesis of an excellent book, "How to Want What You Have" by Dr Timothy Miller. It changed my life.
- Expressing gratitude is one of the surest paths to a better day.
One of my all-time favorite books -- "How to Want What You Have" by Tim Miller, PhD -- has as its central thesis the idea that:
1. Most people are relatively unhappy;
2. The root cause is our tendency always to want More [money/power, love, recognition] -- which stems from evolutionarily adaptive traits;
3. The remedy is to live in the present moment -- which one can learn to do by deliberately practicing three closely-related things:
The book is (sadly, inexplicably) out of print, but it's popular enough there are plenty of used copies for sale. I first encountered HTWWYH in a 5th-edition hardcover, and it was transformative. Highest posaible recommendation.1. Compassion 2. Attention 3. Gratitude - Wonderful post. I have a number of related books I'd add to your list, but this one in particular got me started on a path to the kind of practical philosophy you and I both seek and extoll:
"How to Want What You Have" (Timothy Miller)
- I wish I could articulate precisely what -- a the age of cough cough -something -- has kept me engaged and happy as a software developer. In part, I've been lucky. I've mostly had decent jobs and companies that treated employees humanely. Partly, I feel that I keep improving at what I do, and that alone is somewhat satisfying. Partly, I just like thinking and solving puzzles, which pretty much describes actual coding.
Contrast that to my wife, who, despite having a degree from a top ivy league school, seems to have hated every job she's ever had and would drop it all to retire in an instant if she could afford it.
I will note that I also have had the luxury of exploring the "do what you love" career theory. Out of high school, I wanted to be an orchestral musician, and spent like 12 years pursuing that path before realizing that it wasn't going to work out. So I sort of had to reset my brain to understand that I didn't have to do this one thing to be happy. So I'm not sitting here in a cubicle thinking "if only...." because I've done the "if only." (Not having other options is actually a surprisingly effective route to happiness. (See: Stumbling on Happiness)).
Another great book related to this topic is "How to Want What You Have."
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/933037.How_to_Want_What_...
- In re: spiritual support, may I recommend "How to Want What You Have" http://www.amazon.com/How-Want-What-You-Have/dp/0805033173 which taught me to live in the moment when I was faced with my own seeming impending demise.
[I'm 39, have daughters aged 5 and 7, and had a fist-sized brain tumor removed just over a year ago. So, though I'm doing fine right now (next MRI is tomorrow morning, hoping for another clean scan), I can certainly relate.]
If you have the strength, try to take up running. My world-class oncologist (at MGH in Boston) said he wished all of his patients were runners. Not occasional joggers, but real runners as in 3 to 5 miles multiple times per week.
Also avoiding refined sugars and red meat can't possibly hurt and there's a lot of evidence that it can make a huge difference.
More generally, I urge you to fight to stay alive. Anything is possible if you just hang on and keep alive. The pace of innovation and understanding in medical science is accelerating, and “incurable” diseases have been eradicated. HIV was once a death sentence; now patients live about as long as never-infected people. Just keep breathing, and hang on. Positive change is coming.
Sending all my positive vibes and loving best wishes your way. I know you're inundated with messages from strangers but if you read this and want to talk or I can do anything for you, please do reach out. I'm "cweekly" on twitter and gmail.
Love, Chris
PS This excerpt from Alan Watts -- "Think of Nothing" -- also helped me cope, when I thought my end was near. If you're a devout Christian you might find it offensive, but I (a humanist with zen buddhist leanings) found it comforting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ5upMz0_ig&index=35&list=FLf...
- A book that may capture and elaborate on the above (esp. re: modesty) is "How to Want What You Have" by Timothy Miller:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Want-What-You-Have/dp/0805033173
The typical "western" approach to happiness is: "I have X but I want Y, therefore, to be happy I need to achieve Y." This book reverses the equation: "I have X but want Y, therefore, to be happy I need to learn to want X." That idea may sound radically counterintuitive on first hearing, but it's reflected in many of the world's spiritual traditions.
What's especially great about it is that it approaches the subject from a rational, scientific viewpoint, so if you find yourself turned off by the spiritual side of buddhism or whatnot, the book will be welcome.
Also, music is a good call generally - the ability to play an instrument will repay itself many times over a lifetime.
