Conversationally speaking

What Hacker News says

1. TronnoAug 2024
   Like your son, I was once a teen in a CS program. I was "good at computers" and my parents expected me to go, but I had no direction, no interest in the courses, and no hobbies outside of video game modding, which I pursued relentlessly to the exclusion of everything else.

   I was also lonely, anxious, and depressed, and lacking the maturity to express it. In any case, no-one asked.

   Pretty soon my grades were tanking, and my parents and I were having awful screaming matches. I hated class, life, and my parents, who could only offer housing, funding, and angry punishment.

   Eventually there was no way to continue. I dropped out and got a minimum wage job. It took years to find my own way back to computers. I found therapy too, which helped, but my relationship with my parents never fully recovered.

   Looking back, I needed an adult who could ask good questions, listen with empathy (not judgement), and provide thoughtful guidance. My parents were not capable of this, in part because of their own upbringing.

   I hope you find these skills inside yourself. Here are some example questions to consider asking your child:

   - Tell me about this game. What do you like about it?

   - Are you friends with the people in the game? How close are you with your IRL friends?

   - Are you interested in a relationship with anyone?

   - How do you see yourself making money one day? Are there any cool toys you want to buy for yourself?

   - etc.

   And here are a couple of books to consider reading:

   - "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" - almost everything here applies to adults too.

   - "Conversationally Speaking" - a general guide on asking good questions with meaningful answers. Some of the examples are awkward but you will get the idea.

   Good luck.

   Show morethread
2. hunglee2Jul 2022
   I read Conversationally Speaking by Alan Pease a long time ago, and I can really say it changed my life.

   It's a self help book on how to have better conversations. The main point I took away was that its usually pretty cool to acknowledge that you had heard what the other person had said, before you make your response.

   So, when I have a conversation, I make sure to restate what the other person is trying to communicate to me as accurately as possible, to make sure that I understood the comment and that my interlocutor can see that I have heard them. Saved my relationship with my brother, improved my relationships with my friends, helped me making many more friends - 10/10 recommend

   Show morethread
3. robgibbonsApr 2015
   I had a copy of this book before my car was broken into and my belongings were stolen. I was about 75% through the book. I had to wonder if there was something in that book that could ironically explain the break-in.

   If you liked this book, here are a few others I enjoyed that cover similar themes. They are all more or less about the psychology underlying every human interaction.

   - How to Win Friends and Influence People (a classic by Dale Carnegie)

   - Meta-Talk (Gerard I. Nierenberg, Henry H. Calero)

   - Games People Play (Eric Berne)

   - What Every Body is Saying (Joe Nevarro, Marvin Karlins)

   - Conversationally Speaking (Alan Garner)

   These books provide a great foundation for anyone who needs to deal with people on a daily basis (ie. everyone), and are especially useful if you want to be aware of fast-talkers trying to take advantage of you.

   Show morethread
4. thinkaloneAug 2014
   I've found "Conversationally Speaking" quite helpful, also: http://www.amazon.com/Conversationally-Speaking-Increase-Per... An easy read with practical tips on how to communicate with others in various situations.
   thread