How to Be Alone
From the National Book Award-winning author of The Corrections, a collection of essays that reveal him to be one of our sharpest, toughest, and most entertaining social critics While the essays in this collection range in subject matter from the sex-advice industry to the way a supermax prison works, each one wrestles with the essential themes of Franzen's writing: the erosion of civil life and private dignity; and the hidden persistence of loneliness in postmodern, imperial America. Reprinted here for the first time is Franzen's controversial l996 investigation of the fate of the American novel in what became known as "the Harper's essay," as well as his award-winning narrative of his father's struggle with Alzheimer's disease, and a rueful account of his brief tenure as an Oprah Winfrey author.
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4recommend
6mentions
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2012–2025years
67% recommend17% neutral17% critical
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- I'm not sure to what degree her perspective is specifically feminine, but Sara Maitland has written two books on solitude and silence: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20518977-how-to-be-alone https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4437202-a-book-of-silenc...
- The biggest challenge on the island would be loneliness.
While the bible is interesting and insightful, it isn't focused on the question of how to be happy living an isolated life.
I'm not sure there good books on that. Maybe Sara Maitland's book "how to be alone". maybe.
- A sensationalist headline... The article actually read more like: stop wasting time. Sure, if you spend too much time on social media, reduce the time spent.
As someone who, years ago, implemented a lot of change to improve my life; here are some thoughts:
If you want a better, and more meaningful life, figure out what (and who) in your life is detrimental to your quality of life. Then rid yourself of those elements.
Second, enumerate everything (and everyone) you spend time on that adds no value--eradicate those elements from your life.
Make no mistake, these can be two very big, strenous and time-consuming tasks; which might need to be planned out in detail--as in how you will rid yourself of each element. The hardest part will usually be to "quit" detrimental people. But once you are done, boy, will your life improve.
When these two steps are done, you have been rewarded more time, not simply given, but earned. In the case of social media, I think I read that the average (globally) time spent is at something like 2 hours per day! If social media is one of those things either detrimental to you, or that adds no value, and you are an average user--then you just freed 14 hours per week.
Imagine if you took up a new hobby (do you even have one? many don't), something that actually improved quality of life, 14 hours a week learning a new instrument, or learning to draw, or write, or ski. That is a lot of time. Novel activities are good for your brain!
Another thing I have observed, especially in the age of social media--but it's not new, just seems worse now--is that a lot of young people need to learn how to be alone. Some people are hardly never alone. They have to learn this before they can learn to concentrate.
If you are like me, an introvert, you are probably alone a lot (if you are not, that can drain you of energy), but one thing you probably need to learn is to cut down on multitasking. It's not good for your brain (learning, memory) or body (stress), it's not good for productivity.
Sorry for rambling.
For the record: I barely use social media; I have inactive accounts here and there.
- I recommend Jonathan Franzen's postal service essay in _How To Be Alone_ for some perspective on how important the postal service actually is. There are a number of business processes that actually touch normal people's lives that depend on postal mail.
- I wanted to challenge myself in 2025 and alternate between fiction and non-fiction, so here are my highlights
- Crime and Punishment - Homo Deus - Catch 22 - Flash Boys - The Art of Strategy - Moby Dick (could only get halfway through though :() - The Great Gatsby - How to be Alone (couldn't get past 2 chapters)
- Knowing how to be alone and being social is not a rigid dichotomy. I think it’s clear what Tarkovsky means: that there is immense value in self-discovery. I’ve heard similar sentiments from other great artists.
Grothendieck famously attributed his mathematical confidence to a long period of solitude in his youth where he independently recreated some major results.
The late Harold Bloom used to say that reading is ultimately a solitary endeavor—that its purpose is to learn to have a conversation with yourself.
However I think for reflective people there is a “danger” on the side of being too entangled in this conversation. Socialization can start to seem banal and unambitious in comparison. But I’ve found that this just suggests that you haven’t found people who aren’t in the habit of talking with themselves.
I find this story apropos: There was a screening at the Yale Humanities Center of Tarkovsky’s “Ivan’s Childhood” that my roommate wanted to take me to when we were undergrads. I only reluctantly agreed—it was freezing outside and I had been cooped up in my room wrestling with a statistical mechanics problem set. Frankly I didn’t feel like we got along. But my decision to go became the beginning of one of the deepest friendships I continue to have and my endlessly enriching relationship with film and literature.
