Name: How to be miserable
ISBN: 9781626254060

How to be miserable

"In How to Be Miserable, psychologist Randy Paterson outlines 40 specific behaviors and habits, which -- if followed -- are sure to lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. On the other hand, if you do the opposite, you may yet join the ranks of happy people everywhere! There are stacks upon stacks of self-help books that will promise you love, happiness, and a fabulous life. But how can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that cause you to be miserable in the first place? Sometimes when we're depressed, or just sad or unhappy, our instincts tell us to do the opposite of what we should -- such as focusing on the negative, dwelling on what we can't change, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, eating junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. Sound familiar? This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you -- and only you -- are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You'll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life -- as well as ways to avoid them. So, get ready to live the life you want (or not?) This fun, irreverent guide will light the way."--provided by Amazon.com.

What Hacker News says

pikminguyAug 2023

This reminds me of How to be Miserable by Randy Patterson. A guide on all the ways to ruin your mental health so you can not do them.

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madmadsJul 2021

There is a good book employing the TRIZ mindset for self-improvement called "How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use"[0]. Although some of the outcomes the book lead you to can seem banal, if you approach them from the perspective of how to optimize misery, it can give you a new perspective. It certainly did for me in some areas.

CGP Grey also made a video based on the book, called "7 Ways to Maximize Misery"[1] that may be easier to digest.

[0]https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/25898044-how-to-be-mi...

[1]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o

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kthejoker2Mar 2020

Reminded me of a book I highly enjoyed, backed by more research footnotes ...

How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use

https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Miserable-Strategies-Already/d...

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GLjEI4YbnGD27LBJun 2018

I liked How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use. Which also helped with showing underrated strategies for upping happiness.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Miserable-Strategies-Already/d...

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JBlue42Feb 2018

Hang in there. There are some great replies here that I hope you take to heart, especially the psychological side of it. It sounds like you haven't been through this before (it still sucks regardless of how many times it happens).

Some practical questions:

1) Were you fired or laid off? There is a difference and it especially makes a difference when you apply for unemployment. How did HR or your manager frame it?

2) UI. I see you already applied which is great. The process is different in every state (assuming you're American here so correct me if I'm wrong). In CA, it takes about 2-3 weeks after you apply to get your first check.

3) Follow what the others said about confirming what they are going to say about you if someone calls for references. Most companies now cover their asses by only giving dates of employment, even if you were were a great employee.

4) If you made good friends at the company, they're probably wondering what happened to you as well. Be sure to reach out, go for a drink or two, etc. I still have drinks and am good friends with people from various jobs throughout the years, some of which ended like this. When I was laid off from my last job, my personal phone and email blew up because the only thing the company said was "X is no longer with us" in an email

5) Give yourself a certain amount of time to look over and reflect on what went right and what went wrong but then cut it off and don't dwell. There are probably mistakes made on both sides that you can learn from.

6) Go ahead and get your resume out there, LinkedIn spiffied up, and Indeed profile updated. Know what you want from your next position too that you didn't like about this one (see #5). The good part about working a shitty job and these experiences is that it teaches you what you don't want in life and work.

Personal stuff:

I thought mattmanser wrote a great reply for this, as well as some others.

1) Have you had time off in a while or did you sacrifice some of that for the job? If you want to take a short break and clear your head and heart, now is a great time to do so. I was let go in July and wish in August or September I had taken at least a week or two elsewhere to decompress.

2) You mentioned shame. There's no shame here. This shit happens to a lot of people, especially in this more cut-throat day and age. You're friends, if they truly are friends, are going to empathize with you, let you talk it out, and hopefully buy you a round of beers or three.

As someone else said, it's business. Sounds like if you were laid off you're in an at-will state. Think of it this way: Employers expect us to give them at least two weeks notice but they usually have policies of laying off people immediately and sending out the door that day. It's an unbalanced power relationship.

3) If you may not realize it until too late, but it's easy to get really down-down and time will slip away. Nothing wrong with sleeping in the first day or two off but if you regularly find yourself just staying in bed all day, overthinking things, that's starting to trend to minor depression. Be sure to get outside, exercise, see people, etc. It sounds like you already have that going for you.

If that shit does take hold, and even in general, I highly recommend this book called "How to Be Miserable" that uses counter-examples to make you think about things. I bought it after coming across the CGP-Grey video that discusses it:

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o

Book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Miserable-Strategies-Already/d...

4) You were already unhappy so see this as an opportunity, a possibility, vs a negative. Work on a project you've always wanted to start but didn't have the time or energy. Work on your job applications and/or with a recruiter for a certain amount of time then block out time to be creative. Who knows, you might create a job for yourself and then only you can fire you!

5) Overall, good luck! It sucks but you will come out stronger for it. There are always options out there. It can be a struggle to stay positive and confident. The pain and anger of this will pop out of nowhere at times but just realize what's happening and let it go.

I've been out of work for six months now, some of it due to being picky about my next job, some of it with a month or so missing because of aforementioned depression, and now, my UI has run out and I have about two months to make something happen here.

But, for once, I'm really fucking positive about my future. I'm spending a part of the day applying to work and other parts of the day learning new things that will help out in the short to medium term. If shit doesn't work out here, my backup plan is to say fuck it and go to Taiwan and teach English for a year where I can save money as well as continue to pursue my learning.

You always have options it's just hard to know what they are sometimes. Keep talking to people, going to meetups, participating in life. You're going to be fine!

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nezzleMar 2018

Actually this attribution - internalizing success and externalizing failure - is important for mental health.

Discussed in 'How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use'

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