Models
Models is a book on becoming an attractive man. But it does not promote tricks, techniques, and tactics to manipulate the laws of attraction. Instead, Manson encourages men to partake in self-development to attract women in an honest way.
Stats for nerds
23recommend
31mentions
25people
2012–2024years
90% recommend6% neutral3% critical
Mentions per year
What Hacker News says
- > A lesson I learned from reading Mark Manson’s “Models” as an awkward stupid teenager who wanted to get girls is that the world is an abundant one full of all kinds of people: some who shun us, others who love us. When someone reveals that there’s no room for a relationship, they do us a huge favor and free us up to go pursue others who are open to it. I’ve seen great success in quickly being thankful for the data and moving on.
Getting strong pickup artist vibes here. I needed that sort of knowledge too. Married nowadays, would've been single forever probably if I wouldn't have gone through that phase.
It makes sense that you break social interactions down like this. This type of thinking flows from pickup.
It also puts into context that you said stuff like "you know you're a slut" (which you don't remember doing but you mentioned having done similar enough things). It seems you mixed pickup with work. I was a high schooler when I learned it and did it solely outside of high school. So I wouldn't run into these things.
- Doing hobbies that involve other people has helped me make a lot of friends- for a lot of men in particular, this is often really the only way to build friendships.
Learning how to be emotionally vulnerable is key to actually connecting with people. The book "Models" by Mark Manson is a pretty good primer on the importance of emotional vulnerability to connect with people. It is sort-of a dating advice book, but I've found it helpful for making regular friendships and connecting with my own family as well.
Another thing that is helpful is learning how to communicate assertively- which is the opposite of being emotionally manipulative. The book "When I say no I feel guilty" is particularly good introduction to assertive communication. A lot of people only learned emotionally manipulative communication, and will be avoided by almost anyone that sees that for what it is.
Counter-intuitively, not being desperate is critical. Be willing to judge if someone is worth your time, and be willing to disagree with people or say no, without letting the fear of being rejected control you. The same authenticity and vulnerability that will make people really connect with you, will also drive some people away, and that is totally fine. The goal is not to be friends with everyone, but to make good friends with people you are compatible with.
Therapy can often be helpful for developing all 3 of the above skills.
Lastly, take the initiative to make things happen. Invite someone to do activities several times before expecting them to reciprocate. People tend to be busy, shy, stressed, etc. - just because people don't reach out doesn't mean they don't like you.
- "Models" by Mark Manson was my bible in college, and I swear by it.
I especially swear by the summary at https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/models-a-summ... , which I printed out and read basically every morning for a couple of months until it felt like a part of me. Changed my life, vastly for the better.
- Here is my reply to @nocontextpls whose message had some legitimate points, but was downvoted:
> No one has things figured out and you should not need to fix "serious issues" in order to have meaningful, deep intimate relationships with others. In my experience, most women in these dating apps are as much of a trainwreck as most men are.
Nobody is entitled to a relationship, you need to be able to add value to someone elses life. For better or worse, what men and women want (on average) is different in relationships, and women tend to put more emphasis on emotional strength and stability when looking for partners.
Moreover, men seem more likely to either experience "Nice Guy syndrome" where they are totally dependent on Women's approval and become a pushover or needy co-dependent, or the polar opposite, where they become aggressive and dismissive of others needs and opinions. Most guys facing these issues don't even realize anything is wrong, but women can spot them from a mile away and steer clear. They assume they're being discriminated against for some unfair reason.
> People need to feel connected and hopeful. Telling them to take responsibility for their "issues" is extremely alienating. > How about we help each other in fixing our "serious issues"?
That is what I am doing here. I am sharing some information that can guide people having a terrible dating experience towards solving these problems, so that they will be good partners, and won't be alone the rest of their lives. I have felt the pain of being rejected and unattractive... of seeing a partner of nearly two decades excited about someone else instead of me. I had to confront these painful truths about myself and do something about it, and I want to share what I learned with other men that might experience similar pain.
My sharing of a painful truth, e.g. constructive criticism is done out of empathy and love.
Here are some books I would recommend to any man having trouble finding dates, or building the relationships and life they want. These mostly focus on building a good life and mental state for yourself, where becoming attractive is a byproduct.
When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith
No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover
Models by Mark Manson
Taking Responsibility by Nathaniel Brandon
- Popular ideas about this in our culture are missing the fact that there are many parts here and you need to work on all of them.
1) Learn emotional vulnerability. This makes love and emotional depth in a relationship possible. It also shows confidence and strength as it can be scary. Models by Mark Manson is a great book on this.
2) Learn social skills to manage conflicts and set boundaries, e.g. assertive communication.
3) Deal with your emotional issues, e.g. with therapy.
4) Be attractive and take care of your body. Regular weight training, a healthy diet, dressing well, and grooming well can really transform your physical attractiveness. Spend time really learning these things, and consider hiring experts to teach you, e.g. a fitness coach. None of the emotional or social things above will help if your partner isn’t physically attracted to you.
5) Get good at sex. This depends a lot on what you want, and what the person you are dating wants… and can be taboo to talk about. But in my experience most (but not all) straight women want a partner to be surprisingly dominant and aggressive.
Ultimately all of these just amount to being emotionally and physically healthy.
I had a lot of anxiety about my attractiveness going back on the dating market after ending a 20 year relationship, but I had been working hard on the above things for years. I was surprised to find that, as a middle aged man, I really stood out as a desirable partner, and dating was a really enjoyable experience.
- I was in the same boat - symmetrical features, visible abdominals, decent career. Couldn't put it together describes the problem very well.
I found the book 'Models' by Mark Manson to be a big help. Sometimes, the right advice really does make a difference.
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