Name: Changing for good
ISBN: 9780380725724

What Hacker News says

LeisureguyOct 2022

Cutting out drinking completely is easier than trying to drink "moderately." One thing that helps is to view what you're doing now as practice, not failure. When you're learning something, you make mistakes (because you're still learning, not because the lesson is a failure), and you are learning not to drink.

Not having alcohol in the house is a good step. Having an alternative at hand — I make tea, a mix of shredded hibiscus and green tea and drink that — is helpful. I strongly recommend the book Changing for Good, by Prochaska et al. (https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?sts=t&an=Proc...) They found that changes of this sort (quitting smoking is another example) is a 6-stage process, and at each stage certain tasks must be completed to move on successfully to the next stage. If some tasks are skipped, the result is that the change doesn't take.

One thing to keep in mind: any amount of alcohol is harmful to health. Some studies found that those who drank a small amount (say, a glass of wine a day) had better health outcomes (e.g., lower all-cause mortality) than those who did not drink at all, and that gave rise to the idea that a little alcohol is more healthy than no alcohol.

However, this finding was due to bad study design: the "no-alcohol" group in those studies included both people who never had used alcohol and also people who had to quit because of health reasons. (This became evident when, for example, some in the "no-alcohol" group died of cirrhosis of the liver.) Once the studies were rerun, restricting the "no-alcohol" group to those who never drank, the illusory benefits of a little alcohol vanished, and the relationship between alcohol and bad health outcomes was clearly a direct relation: the more, the worse; the less, the better. Period.

AA has now been found to be effective, and you might try that. The benefit is that you have someone to talk to when you get the impulse to drink (and it's free). My own abstinence from alcohol came about gradually and indirectly as I worked on getting control of my budget (in part by focusing intensely on staying within my weekly budget after setting aside the money I'd eventually need for periodic expenses — alcohol is relatively expensive, so I stopped buying it, and after a while I didn't miss it, and then I realized I really didn't like its effects).

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adamseaJul 2020

You're absolutely right. It's not an excuse, and the example/hypothetical I shared would be a violation of my ideals.

But that's my point. We're flawed. Which isn't an excuse. It's like, when the experts talk about how to change habits, they say the best way to do it is to change your environment. Because of the powerful influence our environment has upon us.

And most models of change for behaviors like smoking or weight loss (and it's becoming increasing clear that computers/screens/apps/the internet share the addictive qualities of those behaviors) incorporate relapse as one step of a change process.

It's an old book and a simple one, but as far as I know their research on how people successfully change behavior still holds up: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46680.Changing_for_Good

Most studies show, I think, that positive motivation is a better tool than shaming/blaming/judging, in most situations.

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adamseaJan 2020

Seconded.

There is also “The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook”.

“Changing for Good” I highly recommend in general. It’s a very straightforward description of a model for behavior change and based on research as to how people quit smoking, both on their own and with the help of some sort of program.

https://hams.cc/ch5/

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oneJobDec 2015

Also, check out the book "Changing For Good" by James Prochaska. There is quote, (not from the book) "Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth." So bounce ideas off people you know and trust. Seek council and constructive criticism. Read evidence based "self help" books. Get a life coach. Because, "I want to change this or that about me" is never as simple as it seems. Especially if you want to make it a beneficial change.

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lusrMay 2012

Can't speak for the parent but I think I understand where he's coming from. For me, it was reading the section on procrastination (which requires reading the preceding sections on dysfunctional thought patterns) in David Burns' "Feeling Good" that did the job.

Once you see all the possible reasons people procrastinate listed in front of you, and a plan of action for each scenario, it's pretty difficult to procrastinate because every time you find yourself in a potential procrastination scenario your brain goes "oh hang on, I know what I'm doing, it's X from Feeling Good". At that point you can execute the anti-procrastination plan, or, as in my present case, I don't even bother any more because I've done it enough to know I'll invariably end up getting to work and so I just go right ahead and do it.

The key thing here is you need to (a) be committed to change and (b) you need to study the book and do the exercises. Refreshing my procrastination pattern matching memory from time to time by rereading the section is critical. Many people aren't ready to stop procrastinating because they're not ready to take action. But just like debugging code, you just have to follow the chain of dependencies until you deal with successive root causes. Prochaska's "Changing for Good" put me on the path of awareness in this regard. Once you know what your brain is doing it's pretty difficult not to make progress.

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lusrMar 2012

Some great advice. I'd like to add:

- Change: change is a sequence of stages you move through according to well-defined processes: (1) pre-contemplation (where you haven't started considering change, or are even aware it's an option), (2) contemplation (where you're considering change but haven't decided), (3) preparation (where you've decided to change and start preparing for the consequences of change), (4) action (where you actually practice change) and (5) maintenance (where you maintain change - going to gym once is change, but doesn't really count :)

That 'instant' you refer to is familiar to me and IMO it is when your brain collects enough awareness of your push/pull factors to move you from preparation (3) to action (4). Many people underestimate how critical preparation is, and for most people steps 1, 2 and 3 are not conscious at all and you will go back and forth over them for years. If you're quitting smoking but smoking gives you a break from your annoying boss, or it's how you socialise, or gives you access to the cute guy/girl you're into, and you go unprepared (unaware) into action and quit smoking you are highly likely to relapse (i.e. go back to stage 1 or 2).

I highly recommend reading Prochaska et al.'s "Changing for Good" (http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Good-Revolutionary-Overcoming...) to understand about the stages of change, how to evaluate where you are w.r.t. a certain change and if you're ready to move forward to the next stage, and the processes that help you move from one stage to the next (taster: 'commitment' is only suitable from the 3rd stage onwards, and can actually hurt your chances of successfully changing if you commit when you're in an earlier stage!).

- Changing the way you think: David Burns' books, particularly the "Feeling Good Handbook" (http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0...), and Helmstetter's "What to say when you talk to yourself" (http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When-Talk-Yourself/dp/0671708...)

- Awaken the Giant is a great book, and I get the timing thing you talk about. I read it first over ten years ago and it meant nothing to me. Having gained a bit of experience since then I listened to it recently about a month ago and suddenly I could relate to 90% of what was being said, and Robbins helped solidify a bunch of ideas that had previously just been floating around in my head.

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