How to be an adult in relationships

What Hacker News says

1. magicink81Mar 2023
   I recommend the online courses (one of which is free) [1], and videos [2] on YouTube made by Anna Runkle, the "Crappy Childhood Fairy".

   [1] https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice [2] https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/videos/

   Others in the thread have recommended "The Body Keeps the Score", which I also recommend. It is available on Audible as an audiobook as well.

   Other books I recommend:

   "Self-Parenting: The Complete Guide to Your Inner Conversations" by John K Pollard and Linda Nusbaum.

   "How to be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo

   "The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture" by Gabor Mate

   "When the Body Says No" by Gabor Mate

   I practice Mindful Qi Gong (healing movement + meditation) once a week as a part of a 2-hour class, as well as independently on an irregular schedule. It has helped significantly to deal with stress.

   I think that for people struggling with issues like CPTSD, ignorance is the first, and largest barrier to healing / recovery / improving. We grow up and enter the adult world and often in many ways "escape" our stressful / traumatic childhoods only to start the process of creating our own trauma and stress as young adults. As we enter adulthood, we may be consciously or subconsciously masking our feelings / hide our pain / run from dealing with our emotions and issues because we want desperately to leave all that behind us. This "running away" may actually compound our problems, leading to destructive behaviors such as substance abuse. Gabor Mate, among others, presents a compelling case that the majority of the people we see on the street struggling with addictions and mental health issues may not have ended up there if they had received proper care and healing, even as adults. If only they had, perhaps, in their more lucid, clearer-thinking, younger days come to understand that they had the need and possibility for healing. The pure ignorance we have about this topic in our society is staggering, considering the widespread impact childhood trauma has on our lives.

   I certainly wish someone had sat me down in my 20s and told me directly: "You had a crappy childhood, that sucks. And the effects of the trauma on your physiology and psychology may limit you for the rest of your life. However, there is good news: Now you're an adult and healing is possible."

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2. detcaderSep 2021
   Currently reading How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo.

   It's not just about relationships, and so far it is a really interesting synthesis of what I've read and heard about feelings and the mind.

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