The Boy Crisis
What is the boy crisis? It’s a crisis of education. Worldwide, boys are 50 percent less likely than girls to meet basic proficiency in reading, math, and science. It’s a crisis of mental health. ADHD is on the rise. And as boys become young men, their suicide rates go from equal to girls to six times that of young women. It’s a crisis of fathering. Boys are growing up with less-involved fathers and are more likely to drop out of school, drink, do drugs, become delinquent, and end up in prison. It’s a crisis of purpose. Boys’ old sense of purpose—being a warrior, a leader, or a sole breadwinner—are fading. Many bright boys are experiencing a “purpose void,” feeling alienated, withdrawn, and addicted to immediate gratification. So, what is The Boy Crisis? A comprehensive blueprint for what parents, teachers, and policymakers can do to help our sons become happier, healthier men, and fathers and leaders worthy of our respect.
Stats for nerds
6recommend
11mentions
7people
2019–2022years
82% recommend18% neutral
Mentions per year
What Hacker News says
- There are clinical means for evaluating a parent for manipulation & personality disorders, but they are time consuming and therefore expensive; and the expense does not end with the evaluation, the deposition and testimony that inevitably follows is prohibitively expensive; and you can double the cost if your former spouse retains their expert(s).
To the extent there is a strategy for legitimately addressing this, its patiently documenting over an extended period time. Logging things like significant decline in social life, significant negative change in grades, significant comments from teachers, significant negative changes in behavior. While documenting this you have to be squeaky clean, refraining from disparaging the other parent and engaging in your behaviors that may muddy the waters.
More often than not, one or several of your kids will show signs something isn't right to an extent that a 3rd party (Guardian, the Court, etc) or even your former spouse can't deny it. At that point, for many people, the system gives way to change. For some people justice for the child is never done and the family and society often pays a terrible price in those cases. Can't recommend this book enough if this topic hits close to home for anyone: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Boy-Crisis-Audiobook
- The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell covers this issue comprehensively. There are many beliefs and practices in our society that push boys and men out, especially in school.
If you read the article, I recommend at least the free preview from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Crisis-Boys-Struggling-About/dp/1...
- Anyone interested in the impact this has on children (especially boys) should read "The Boy Crisis" by John Gray PhD. ( https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Crisis-Boys-Struggling-About/dp/1... ).
Tl;dr ... A disproportionate share of seriously troubled boys share an alienated, minimized or absent father in common. The worthwhile and well intentioned effort to right the wrongs of past discrimination of women has traveled a bridge too far. Tragic unintended consequences plague children of divorce, working men, and stay-at-home fathers. This cause-effect is an inconvenient truth, ignored because its not politically correct or advantageous to raise the issue.
Speaking for myself as someone who spent 8 years and about $300,000 to have an equal role in my children's lives... you can watch the damage this has on your children change them over time. Resignation, external locus of control, etc. are all divorce-induced impacts on kids who must endure the back and forth.
Brutal stuff.
- If you enjoy this, I'd recommend The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell and John Gray. A lot of really interesting material on being a dad and specifically parenting boys (but a lot of the benefit also extends to women obviously). At first the material felt a little too "men's rights!" to me, but there really are a significant amount of culture deficiencies in raising men to be fathers.
- I will be the first to admit that becoming a father was a difficult transition. One book that I recommend that all fathers read is The Boy Crisis. With the usual disclaimer that I do not agree with everything the author states, it greatly helped me see what a crucial role I have in raising our kids (my wife and I were blessed with 5 children, including 2 sets of twins). Interestingly, the first baby was by far the hardest transition because we both felt trapped in our new roles. Now that we are a few years in, it has been extremely rewarding to watch our kids mature. My wife and I have spent hours discussing this topic and we agree that fatherhood in general is not well understood in society today. The book helped me to understand my unique role as a father in raising our kids. My wife and I share a similar value system but are often baffled by how different our approach is to parenting. I might sound antiquated but I really think we compliment each other in how we approach our children.
Oh and one side note: the single most important quality of life change that my wife and I made was to get our kids to go to bed early. We now have them all in bed by 7:30 PM so the rest of the evening we have to ourselves. This takes discipline on our part especially after a long day at work but the kids are much happier with more sleep (even though it can sometimes be a battle to get them to stay in bed).
Overtime you will be surprised at how much progress you can make. Try and enjoy the little things in life. Since I'm in medicine, most of my life has been a whirlwind of activity: having kids has forced me to slow down and appreciate life in a new way. One small example, is that the highlight of my week is seeing my kids super excited for the homemade pancakes I make on Saturdays. It gives mom a break :)
Being a father gets better with time and I will say that parenting is the most important and rewarding undertaking of my life, even more so than programming or graduating medical school. Good luck and remember you are not alone there are literally millions of other fathers out there with similar struggles!
- It’s the « People are boring » effect, compared to even a Youtube video which is a compacted speech that constantly catches your attention.
However, relationships are also broken, and we should do something about it as much as decrease phone usage. I’m not sure which way is the causation here, but countless times I have told my needs to people/relatives (I need to avoid being constantly put down as a man, specifically, I have cleaned my room and I have a six-figure job after all) and people are wired to reject that idea and claim men as a class don’t deserve to be told positive things. I retreat to my phone by despair, not because the phone is interesting. More recently I have found far-right friends, but again, it’s just because they respect me, not because it’s awesome: It’s a palliative, not a solution.
It’s discussed in the book « The boy crisis » of Warren Farrell (former president of NOW, the National Organization for Women), but hey, people claim he is « controversial » so no-one’s gonna take it into account.
Men — need — some — love. Or they’ll find it elsewhere.
