The Four Loves
The Four Lovessummarizes four kinds of human love--affection, friendship, erotic love, and the love of God. Masterful without being magisterial, this book's wise, gentle, candid reflections on the virtues and dangers of love draw on sources from Jane Austen to St. Augustine. The chapter on charity (love of God) may be the best thing Lewis ever wrote about Christianity. Consider his reflection on Augustine's teaching that one must love only God, because only God is eternal, and all earthly love will someday pass away: Who could conceivably begin to love God on such a prudential ground--because the security (so to speak) is better? Who could even include it among the grounds for loving? Would you choose a wife or a Friend--if it comes to that, would you choose a dog--in this spirit? One must be outside the world of love, of all loves, before one thus calculates. His description of Christianity here is no less forceful and opinionated than in Mere Christianityor The Problem of Pain, but it is far less anxiousabout its reader's response--and therefore more persuasive than any of his apologetics. When he begins to describe the nature of faith, Lewis writes: "Take it as one man's reverie, almost one man's myth. If anything in it is useful to you, use it; if anything is not, never give it a second thought." --Michael Joseph Gross
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What Hacker News says
- > I derive a lot of my personal sense of worth from what I do - from what I build and for what I contribute to other people. I don't know what I would do in a world where that was no longer needed. Is that healthy? Probably not. (It's actually something I'm working through at the moment, that I increasingly understand as a consequence of both personal and societal-level abuse.)
Since you are wondering about the healthiness of that emotion, try to read C.S. Lewis "The Four Loves": the Need love/Gift love opposition may have answers for you.
- OP should read The Four Loves by CS Lewis. Unconditional love seems irrational if love is mainly a kind of feeling, but that's not the highest kind of love.
- This list of books may sum up my entire personhood, some I read at a young age.
Thinking Fast and Slow. After you read it take a course on statistics & probability.
The Art of Strategy
The Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance
Armor by John Steakley Great book of fiction, helped me understand PTSD.
Read a lot of Asimov, robot series, foundation and short stories starting with The Last Question.
Jules Verne
Mark Twain, various stories but particularly the Diary of Adam & Eve
The Jungle Book by Kipling
Lost Horizon
Robinson Crusoe
Dune Series
Enders Game and sequels.
The Odyssey
The Count of Monte Cristo
Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card because it helped me understand that a cultures internally consumed fiction tells you about its values.
The book of Ecclesiastes. The book of Job. Leviticus 25. Galatians 5:22-23. Romans 2:15. Luke 18:1-8. The minor prophets. Bible generally if you want to deep dive, I did once upon a time.
25th chapter of the First Epistle of Clement of Rome
Aristotle, Socrates.
Thus Spake Zarathustra
Through Gates of Splendor Peace Child
Let Freedom Ring. I was working illegally (as I recall) as a 15 year old teenager for Sean Hannity (as a w2 employee through a proxy) when this book came out and along with my personal interactions with him at the time it helped clarify that he is not a person whose opinion holds any weight or even much thought. I remember at the time thinking it was unbearably poor reading.
Farmer Giles of Ham. If you've already read the hobbit, LOTR, etc. it helped me understand the framing of Tolkien way better.
Then read Pride and Prejudice through the lens of Farmer Giles of Ham. Calling it a romance novel is a disservice.
A James Bond Novel. I can't remember the name but there is one in particular that describes why he always acts so overtly and not spy-ish at all. The explanation helped me understand why you should throw yourself fully into work projects and helped me get over fear of mistakes. It made me a far better consultant as well while I was doing that.
So good they can't ignore you & deep work.
How to win friends and influence people.
Run Silent, Run Deep.
The Communist Manifesto
The Christian Manifesto
From Dawn to Decadence.
Romance of the 7 kingdoms.
Life together.
There's a big yellow book about the 6 day war, it's very detailed and blow by blow, I can no longer remember its name but it impressed upon me the chance and vagaries of war.
The Free Will Defense. Alvin Plantinga (and the various philosophic revuttals/conversations)
In Defense of the Kalam Cosmological Argument. William Lane Craig (and the various philosophic revuttals/conversations)
No little people. Francis Schaeffer
The Rise and Fall of the 3rd Reich.
The Rails Way. 1st edition.
Javascript. The good parts.
Visual quick start guide to SQL.
^These three are probably the most important books I ever read, they probably changed the trajectory of my life more than any others on the list.
Midnight's Children. Rushdie
Roberts Rules of Order.
The four loves
Love languages
A once popular anti catholic tract called "The Trail of Blood".
Basically there is truth, falsehood, history, emotion and understanding in all these works, synthesizing these particular books made me who I am today. There are many others but these are the ones that come quickly to mind and whose titles I can still mostly recall.
- Someone here recommended The Problem of Pain and A Grief Observed, and I would add Mere Christianity and The Four Loves.
- Ah, but people do occasionally do seemingly-altruistic things, and by long experience, some of those are worth encouraging.
"Love" in English wears too many hats. C.S. Lewis' Four Loves does a good job explaining how the highest and best use of eros (which can be selfish) is to encourage agape (selfless love).
"The promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love."
- "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Yeah, you can get hurt. For sure, be wise about who you become emotionally dependent on. But not having your emotions entangled with another's is to miss one of the great joys of being alive.
