How to Know a Person
author David Brooks observes, "There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen -- to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood." And yet we humans don't do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person's story should you pay attention to? Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception. The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves?
Stats for nerds
4recommend
4mentions
4people
2024–2026years
100% recommend
Mentions per year
What Hacker News says
- > I frame it not as turning a dial down, but as switching channel from practical problem-solver to emotional problem-solver.
This perspective was a good stepping stone for me, but then I realized I needed bigger changes to keep growing. However I defined the problem to be solved, I was still setting up a dynamic that was arrogant. I thought I was air traffic control when others were looking for a copilot. Somebody along for the ride with them, not just requesting information about them and offering commentary from the ground.
Reading _How to Know a Person_ helped me a lot.
- I loved the book "How to know a person - The art of seeing others deeply and being deeply seen, David Brooks, 2023". I found truly interesting ways to look at the problem. By a professional of getting people to connect. Including issues such as how we see ourselves or how we see the world is not how it is (which applies to the person in front of us). Also a great discussion of culture vs individual. And plenty of tips for everyday usage. A useful piece of work.
- Firefighter Zen by Hersch Wilson
Nine lies about work by Marcus Buckingham
How to know a person by David Brooks
- I can't recommend "How to Know A Person" by David Brooks enough.
It's for us introverted nerds, by a fellow introverted nerd. A manual on how to become unblocked.
For a broad overview, though, the secret sauce is to learn to listen to people closely and make them feel heard. I think 90% of the battle is learning how to deeply listen and showing that you are indeed listening closely.
Again, everyone should get this book. Completely clear, no nonsense, actionable advice.
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