Name: When Things Fall Apart
ISBN: 9781590305454

What Hacker News says

gverriMar 2024

"When things fall apart" - Pema Chodron

SunlightEdgeNov 2023

"No time to lose" a book by Pema Chodron. Its a translation and commentary of a Buddhist manuscript on basically how to become enlightened. I found the sections on how humans all suffer from past emotional memories (kleshnas) really interesting. As was the discussion on rage and forgiving people cruel to oneself. I followed it up with another of her books "when things fall apart". Again very good.

I'm now reading a Witcher fantasy novel. Blood of elves.

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schaeferMar 2023

The tricky part about depression and anxiety is that everyone is coming from someplace different. It’s like asking for directions on how to get to New York City… but not being sure if you’re starting from Tokyo, London, or someplace else entirely. The people that want to help you usually can only tell you how they overcame depression from where they started. Which, understandably, may or may not be right for you.

—

That having been said, I have some food sensitivities that were driving significant amounts of anxiety and depression. Cleaning up my diet has been life changing. Especially the “fasting mimicking diet (FMD)” as explained in the book The Longevity Diet by Valter Longo. The book is pretty dry, so I’d recommend the audio book version. Try a round of FMD (5 days) followed by a month of no sugar added. Sugar withdrawal was hell for me, but there was significant improvement on the other side.

I know you said meditation hasn’t worked for you, but you don’t mention which kinds of meditation you’ve tried. I’ve had luck with metta meditation. Or the meditation of loving kindness. And specifically bringing that philosophy of kindness with me off the mat into my daily life.

Resources for my own particular take on Buddhist philosophy that worked for me include:

  - This lecture series on bringing loving kindness to a meditation practice [1]

  - and the book: Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer. 

  - and basically everything Pema Chodron has ever written.  But possibly staring with: When Things Fall Apart.

Even if what worked for me doesn’t work for you. I believe in you and I think you can find your own path to being at peace with your inner emotional landscape.

[1]: https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPxfnU-O-Zydjfcneck9XIy...

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leohDec 2019

"Invention of Nature"; nonfiction; about the life of Alexander von Humboldt; Darwin said of him "if it hadn't been for AVH, I would have never stepped foot on the HMS Beagle"; profoundly important to modern science, an adventurer, yet little known in modern times

"Stoner" by John Williams; fiction; this book knocked me on my butt and I read it all in almost one sitting; about an English professor who refuses to relinquish his integrity in the face of great adversity

"Light Years" by James Salter; fiction; inexpressibly beautiful novel that takes place largely on the Hudson River above New York

"Narcissus and Goldmund" by Hesse; fiction; a fun yet literary adventure novel about the importance and fun of living life with integrity

"When Things Fall Apart" by Chödron; non-fiction; Chödron proposes that leaning into suffering, experiencing it as directly and fully as possibly and without resistance paradoxically leads to profound relief from suffering

"Enlightenment Now" by Pinker; non-fiction; proposes, convincingly, that life nhas drastically improved for nearly everyone on earth due to a shifting philosophical orientation towards enlightenment values; proposes that although much is problematic, there is reason for great hope, too

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mchanOct 2016

First of all, try not to beat yourself up about screwing up or making the wrong decisions. This is all normal and a part of your experience. What you have gone through may need some time to process.

Start with small steps. Over thinking and over reasoning is a way for your brain to avoid what you are actually feeling. This is normal because we are all inclined to avoid unpleasant feelings. Slowly try to get in touch with those feelings, even if they're painful. The more you try to avoid them, the more they will linger, and the more you try to suppress them, the deeper your depression. Getting in touch with those painful feelings are actually not as bad as you fear. It can actually be cathartic.

Along with all the suggestions to see a qualified therapist, I would recommend reading some of Pema Chodron's books. There's one in particular that may be relevant for your situation called 'When things fall apart'

I won't wish you good luck, because luck will not make things better for you. This will take some time and a little effort to work through. You have already taken the first step by reaching out. What you do next, and the skills and lessons you will learn through processing this experience will grow you as a person. Remember - one step at a time.

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ahoyhereFeb 2013

If you can't see the gulf between being a doctor who dedicates his/her life to doing surgery in remote, third-world locations, for a pittance, in order to restore the lives of poor women, vs sitting in a comfy office in the first world developing software on a $2500 computer for a $400+ device… what can I say to persuade you?

Sure, there are some bits of software that save lives… but that's not what the "startups" in question are doing, is it?

The rest is simple convenience. Convenience is nice and all, and everybody loves it, and it pays well, and it can increase human productivity and connectedness, but that isn't really world-changing.

Nobody on HN is inventing the next telegraph, or the next x-ray. It's all variations and slight improvements on things that already exist. It's just software. No big deal. And yet the phrase "changing the world" or "change the world" is the one on everyone's lips.

Make no mistake, I love what I do, and I'm not cut out to be that doctor in any way. I'm happy with my place in the world. I've also got no illusions that, in the grand scheme of things, I'm 'changing the world' or, really, very important to anyone but my immediate circle of loved ones. Believe me, this is a better way to live.

The more you talk yourself up, the more you believe you're super ultra important and doing super ultra important work, the more you create a gulf between your exterior grandiose persona people see and your interior doubt and insecurity, the more you are isolated, the more you are alone, the more you risk losing if you make a mistake, the more social excoriation you (feel) you deserve/are likely to get, the more scared you are to ask for help or admit fear, the more hopeless you feel when you fuck up, the more likely you are to cut yourself off from others, to work yourself to death, to commit suicide.

And the saddest part of all is that it was all in your head. You weren't that important to start with. You can fuck up and the world keeps turning, just as it had. Nobody dies because you run out of money or kill your startup through an oversight.

Having a realistic understanding of your importance to the world makes you free to experiment, to ask for help, to admit failure, to make mistakes, and not feel badly about it. You don't have to feel like you're losing face, risking anything, or letting anyone down.

Grandiosity, on the other hand, imbues every act with such great importance that it seems like a matter of life or death. Grandiosity feels good right up until it becomes clear you're just a human after all. Unfortunately, then grandiosity sometimes literally becomes a matter of life or death.

It's deadly easy to substitute one factually false self-image (grandiosity) with another factually false self-image (despairing that you're the worst person ever and there's no escape).

This is sad. And it's all the more sad because it's totally avoidable.

NB: If you recognize yourself in the descriptions of grandiosity (and its side effects) above, know that I'm not a doctor. But my best recommendation is the audiobook (specifically the AUDIO book) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It's a life-saving, life-affirming dose of reality.

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