Name: Self-Compassion
ISBN: 9780061733529

Self-Compassion

From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion--and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above averageto feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we domanage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure. Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend. This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself.

What Hacker News says

WalterSearJun 2024

> This idea that you can't stay in bed for longer than 20 minutes unless you can sleep is very challenging for someone who is already spending all day in bed because they're sick, and setting up this expectation, I've found, is a recipe for non-acceptance and self judgment.

That sucks, but tbh, it doesn't sound related to CFS (the sleep disturbances certainly do, but not the fugue-state rumination). Certainly sounds like it would exacerbate it though. I was dealing with a similar sounding cycles of 48 hr wakefulness. Awful, awful.

Regardless, may I suggest moving to a chair next to your bed? It's still getting out of bed, but maybe not so debilitating?

> I have had really negative effects from cognitive behavioral therapy in the past. Instead of letting me recognize and eliminate cognitive distortions, the CBT routines seem to add new forms of suffering rumination.

I would hazard that whoever taught them to you was not entirely competent, particularly since it sounds like they should have been known enough not to make you think that noticing one's distortions and dysphoria is all one needs to resolve them would make

If this was significantly in the past, things are quite different now. The last 20 years of mental health treatment are light years more effective than what came before, which was, IMHE mostly useless and often deleterious.

Moreover there are better ways to approach issues like the ones you describe, specifically DBT and its combination of distress tolerance skills, mindfulness and self-compassion. Of the three, it really sounds like what you are going through needs a whole lot of compassion.

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yo...

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ryanwaggonerDec 2022

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." -- Albert Camus

First of all, I'm sorry that you're suffering. It seems completely normal that you'd be struggling given all you've been through. I know what that sense of despair feels like, and how lonely it can be. I've been there, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I wouldn't say I've "turned my life around", but I'm 40 and in the last few years I've gone through a loss of my faith and a divorce (unrelated to each other), both of which were incredibly traumatic and really shook the foundations of my world. During the darkest days, it was really a crucible, a refining process. It was stripping away so much of what I had built my identity around.

The most transformative and healing things for me have been therapy, psychedelics, meditation, and divorce. I'm not recommending them all to everyone, but they changed me for the better.

And coming out the other side, I have such a better relationship with myself. I barely recognize myself from before. And as a result, I have a better relationship with my daughter, my friends, my family, my work, even with my ex-wife. I feel so much happier and more excited for the second half of my life than I ever have. I'm in a new relationship that feels open and healthy, and I'm planning to switch careers to be a therapist.

If you like to read, two foundational books that helped me:

- Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

- Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis

Good luck, you can do this!

PS - my email is in my profile, please don't hesitate to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. I was helped through this period by many other kind people, some of them strangers, and I'm always happy to pay it forward and lend an ear and some support to anyone who needs it. That goes for anyone reading this too!

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giuMar 2020

As soon as I read "Self-Compassion" I knew it has to be Dr. Kristin Neff; I read her book (https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-kristin-neff/) a couple years ago and it was quite an eye-opener for me.

Just a note: your link is not working; here's a link to the paper, directly form Dr. Neff's homepage: https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/...

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xhedleyOct 2018

For mindfulness awareness in the moment I would recommend Mindfulness:a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Williams (Oxford University). It takes you through a course in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy. MBCT is aimed as anti-depression. I like the standardised approach used which means that clinical trials are possible. Another interesting angle is Mindful Self Compassion - best starting point Kristin Neff.

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xhedleyDec 2016

You don't have to be so hard on yourself when "practising meditation" though. There's another piece on the front page of HN right now about using positive reinforcement to influence the behaviour of children. The secular Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (Jon Kabat Zinn) and Mindfulness Self Compassion (Kristen Neff) approaches both take a curious approach to mind wandering. In meditation, every time you notice the mind wandering is a learning experience. Then you go back to focus on the breath or whatever you are doing, and repeat again and again without self criticism. If meditation feels like torture my view is that you're doing it wrong.

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