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- We all have problems, challenges, struggles: it seems natural for anyone, regardless of how well their basic needs can be met, to suffer. I feel that we easily make trouble for ourselves, and that too many of us have it too easy, which ends up being rather difficult.
Some actions that have helped me (I'm in my 40s, male, an at-home father supported by my spouse to care for our child with disabilities, and I have no significantly-debilitating health concerns):
Breath-holding practice: the most afraid I've ever been (that I can remember--perhaps something worse happened when I was very young) is when I was underwater and a trainer grabbed my leg to keep me under (all part of the test; consensual on my part). I was not ready for that sort of work, and I opted out. The experience sparked something in me, though, and I've since worked on my breathing so I'm more and more comfortable going longer without oxygen, and so I'm generally well-oxygenated and well-regulated (see book Breath by James Nestor and Breath Taking by Michael Stephen), practicing many times throughout the day to inhale over about five seconds and exhale over six or so; helps against anxiety.
Going longer without food: another opt-in stress, rather than being subjected to it, fasting has recalibrated my relationship with food. The old grooves of eating to escape emotions are still there, but I can manage much better now that I've gone more than 60 hours without eating and am ramping up to go longer (taking it slow so as not to disrupt my parenting and homemaking responsibilities). This is after a couple months of practice, after years of dabbling and being aware of fasting as a thing but not actually committing. I found the book Life in the Fasting Lane, by Dr. Jason Fung, Eve Mayer, and Megan Ramos to be helpful. Fasting will keep you hungry at first, and then you'll be able to ride the waves of hunger, let them swell and ebb, and get into a focused "hunt" mode. If you go long enough, beyond about 48 hours when autophagy kicks in, you might find yourself waking up clear-headed (I do, anyway) and with less pain (at your age maybe these aren't concerns). I'm now comfortable with a single high-quality meal each day as a baseline; there's no room for less-sustaining foodstuffs that have a lot of sugars, in part because I am now more aware of what I feel like after eating junkfood. Same with alcohol--I occasionally have a sip out of curiosity/nostalgia, but after a couple years away from it the benefits are far outweighed by the negative consequences. I don't miss it.
Doing one thing at a time: Like with fasting, I've known about and dabbled with meditation for years. Only recently have I started practicing doing just one thing at a time and being okay with missing out on also listening to a podcast or audiobook or music while I wash dishes, for example. When I go out for a walk, I'm rarely listening to anything anymore, and letting my mind freely associate. I tend not to practice the increase-time-between-thoughts meditation, and mostly practice being present with whatever I'm doing. This is both important for me and for my child when we're playing together or I'm reading aloud or we're outside exploring, and so on.
Reading old books, and books about other cultures: Don Quixote is more than 400 years old, and it's clear we haven't changed much. This perspective helped me relax and accept this life, this story I have a hand in writing, and that my book will end. Reading The Old Way by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas opened my eyes to the stresses of hunter-gatherer life (for example, women in the group she visited only menstruated when there was enough nutrition available). I feel that if we still lived like that life would not be easy but we'd also have fewer of the struggles you're describing. There would also be fewer humans, which feels appropriate given how much we have changed life on Earth.
From The Blindboy Podcast (instrumental in my mental-health-improvement journey): "You are better than no one, and no one is better than you." The best time to make mistakes is during youth, and then keep making them and adjusting! I haven't fully internalized this yet, being a perfectionist much of my life, but I'm increasingly willing to risk looking like a fool to myself and others. Parenting helped open that door but don't think it's the only way. Blindboy's point: decouple your self-worth from your actions.
Pick a thing to get really good at: For me it is bicycling; I've spent more than ten thousand hours on a bicycle, mostly for transportation. Having some idea what it's like to get so good at something helps me choose how I spend my time. When I play videogames now it is with the understanding that I could be doing something else ("ideally" reading) but that this current obsession will run its course. Regret isn't helpful. Considering what my future self will think is helpful, and in times when I just want to zone out in videogame-flow (a weaker form of creative flow; feels like flow but I can feel hollow afterwards rather than full and refreshed) I do the more-difficult thing and sit with my emotions awhile, then either consume something healthier (reading or watching something that helps me grow) or practice creativity through writing, drawing, humming, or any other art.
Good luck!
- Quick book recommendations:
Life in the Fasting Lane, by Jason Fung, Eve Mayer, and Megan Ramos: https://www.worldcat.org/title/life-in-the-fasting-lane-how-...
Metabolical, by Robert Lustig: https://www.worldcat.org/title/metabolical-the-lure-and-the-...
Metabolical lays out recommendations for healthy food from birth to death, and Life in the Fasting Lane is more for any of you adults who'd like to experiment with going without food for longer, thus allowing the body to get out of "storage" mode and experience a variety of benefits. I'm almost 24 hours since I ate dinner yesterday, worked a tougher-than-usual day, and am feeling better than I was on a typical day before I started ramping up a month ago to three meals a week. I'll likely adjust that as I go, finding "listening to my body" easier and easier as I get older and keep experimenting. Good luck with your challenges.
- Nice work, Brazil. I look forward to the day the USA does the same.
> What kind of snob would disparage a Creme Egg or fail to recognise the joy of licking cheesy Wotsit dust from your fingers?
I am thankful that my parents valued gardening for sustenance, making meals at home (not that I don't know what a Happy Meal is, just that it was a rare treat), and blocking out playtime outside, during which time if we wanted to eat it'd have to be something we foraged. They weren't perfect, of course, and I've dealth with mental-health issues over the years, in part decreasing the barrier to treating my symptoms with lower-quality food more frequently throughout the day. I've finally re-adjusted to eating less frequently and making those meals out of mostly Nova 1 and 2 ingredients (I see sardines are Nova 3-4, unfortunately; I wish I lived closer to the water). Anyway, I have the privilege to be one of those snobs regarding many of the foods my childhood peers are nostalgic for.
> The question is whether these foods would still be harmful if the levels of sugar and oil could be reduced.
> On the unprocessed diet, a hormone called PYY, which reduces appetite, was elevated, suggesting that homemade food keeps us fuller for longer.
> But if you accept the argument that processing is itself part of the problem, all of this tweaking and reformulation becomes so much meaningless window-dressing.
While it's not an easy road at first, it feels right (for me, at least; someone who's struggle is less about weight and more about mental health and how I feel in my body) to go longer without food and to prepare sit-down meals of minimally-processed foods, eaten slowly until sated. After a day or two without eating, those meals are heavenly and I'm much less likely to want to reach for a distraction while I'm eating. One thing that really helps is adding salt to warm/hot water, about 0.003-0.005 ratio of salt to water by weight (sea water is on average 0.035 salt to water).
I've found Life in the Fasting Lane, by Jason Fung, Eve Mayer, and Megan Ramos to be helpful,
along with
Metabolical, by Robert Lustig
and
The Fasting Cure, by Upton Sinclair (for the 100-years-ago perspective; in some ways not much has changed)
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi also writes positively about fasting in one of his earlier books (in which there are some bits of advice I'm still skeptical about, mind)
- The Complete Guide to Fasting by Jason Fung
Life in the Fasting Lane by Eve Meyer
- In reading through the 34 comments I don't see any mention of going longer without food (fasting) to address autoimmune and inflammation issues.[0]
Ethics: the best I can say is "that's cultural", and often personal. We're all doing whatever we want, and sometimes our values align enough to get along for a long time. I ate a lot of meat for about a year (or so; I didn't keep a log) and then stopped for a couple reasons, including environmental impact. I grew up on a farm, I've butchered animals and eaten them, I've hunted, and I see every living creature as an individual person worthy of respect. And still I kill them. If we were more honest about this when we go to war I think we'd be better off, rather than all the othering and dehumanizing that is so effective.[1]
My internet-stranger advice would be to practice going without food for longer and longer (it took me about two months to go past the ~48 hours when autophagy starts; I paced myself so I could keep an even keel at work (parenting/homemaking)), and then break your fast with an amazing meal, starting with foods high in fiber (something about how the food progresses through the intestines, and absorbing nutrients, and not spiking insulin), and including whatever you want (I only want high-quality, healthy food for these meals, maybe ending with more carbohydrates at the end). Meat seems like a reasonable inclusion if eating fewer meals. Fasting and feasting is different than calorie restriction; the former I find empowering and self-respecting, the latter I found torturous.
In any case, I hope you figure it out, and good luck!
References: [0] Life in the Fasting Lane, by Jason Fung, Eve Mayer, and Megan Ramos
[1] On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society, by Dave Grossman
- Nestor notes that nasal surgery has its own risks of complications. Before surgery, it sounds like fat reduction (through not snacking, and increasing the time between meals, and starting meals with above-ground vegetables and fats and proteins, and reducing sugars significantly [0]) and breathing through the nose as much as possible (even going so far as to tape shut the mouth--worked for me; after less than a year of applying vertically a 1cm-wide strip of medical tape to my lips I habitually breathe through my nose at night) are important steps.
There's another book about breath that you might be interested in, which includes a chapter on breathing for healing [1].
[0] Life in the Fasting Lane (public library) https://www.worldcat.org/title/life-in-the-fasting-lane-how-...
[1] Breath Taking (public library) https://www.worldcat.org/title/breath-taking-the-power-fragi...
