The developing mind
How does parent-infant attachment affect mental functioning throughout life? What are the pathways by which interpersonal experience shapes the structure and function of the brain? How are neural processes altered by psychological trauma, and how can psychotherapeutic intervention help? Going beyond the nature-nurture divisions that traditionally have constrained much of our thinking about development, this volume presents an integrative new framework for understanding the interface of the brain and the social environment. Daniel J. Siegel addresses fundamental questions about mental health and dysfunction as he explores the ways that interpersonal relationships influence the genetically programmed unfolding of the human mind. Offering a unique perspective on the brain in its natural environment - the growing, feeling, communicating mind - this book belongs on the shelf of professionals and students in a range of fields. It serves as an engaging and informative text for courses in psychiatry, clinical and developmental psychology, neuropsychology, and cognitive science.
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- On this topic, Gabor Mate and Gordon Neufeld wrote the book I wish I had read before our daughter was born: Hold Onto Your Kids [1]. Thesis: Strong attachment to a parent or caretaker is foundational for human development - neurological, physiological, and psychological - the whole body, mind, and spirit. The impacts of years 0-5 cannot be overstated. Based on the findings presented in the book, if both parents want to work my suggestion would be to either hire a full-time nanny who will replace you as the attachment figure for those years and beyond, or have a family member move in with you and care for the child full-time. Be comfortable that your child will be more attached to this person, and love them at least a little bit more, than they love you. Be happy that your child will have their best shot at healthy development because you prioritized it for them.
Another great book that covers more of the science in depth is The Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel [2].
Sounds extreme? Read the books (and others) yourself and see what conclusions you reach.
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375... [2] https://www.amazon.com/Developing-Mind-Third-Relationships-I...
- According to Irvin D. Yalom, “One of our major tasks is to invent a meaning sturdy enough to support a life and to perform the tricky maneuver of denying our personal authorship of this meaning”.¹
Yalom considers that “The search for meaning, much like the search for pleasure, must be conducted obliquely. Meaning ensues from meaningful activity: the more we deliberately pursue it, the less likely are we to find it; the rational questions one can pose about meaning will always outlast the answers. In therapy, as in life, meaningfulness is a by-product of engagement and commitment, and that is where therapists must direct their efforts — not that engagement provides the rational answer to questions of meaning, but it causes these questions not to matter”.²
For Frankl, best-known for his psychological memoir Man’s Search for Meaning, meaning comes from three possible sources: purposeful work, love, and courage in the face of difficulty.³
Ernest Becker’s book The Birth and Death of Meaning asks the question, “Where does meaning come from?” The short answer is: meaning comes from culture – our lives feel most meaningful when we believe we are participating successfully in the cultural hero-system, and we measure the success of our performance through social affirmation. Culture prescribes the roles, how well we execute the roles creates feelings of meaning and self-worth, and we assess the success of our execution by way of positive social regard.⁴ For a long time, the cultural hero-system came from religion, and according to Becker “The crisis of society is, of course, the crisis of organized religion too: religion is no longer valid as a hero system, and so the youth scorn it. If traditional culture is discredited as heroics, then the church that supports that culture automatically discredits itself. If the church, on the other hand, chooses to insist on its own special heroics, it might find that in crucial ways it must work against the culture, recruit youth to be anti-heroes to the ways of life of the society they live in. This is the dilemma of religion in our time”.⁵
I don't think that meaning can arise solely from an intellectual pursuit. It comes from a blend of experience and emotional engagement. In The Developing Mind, Daniel Siegel declares, “The way the mind establishes meaning is closely linked to social interactions and both meaning making and relationships appear to be mediated via the same neural circuits responsible for initiating emotional processes”.⁶
[1] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8768078-we-humans-appear-to...
[2] https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/09/28/loves-executioner-...
[3] https://www.themarginalian.org/2013/03/26/viktor-frankl-mans...
[4] https://www.themortalatheist.com/blog/the-birth-and-death-of...
[5] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7577300-and-the-crisis-of-s...
