The science of trust

What Hacker News says

1. JackMorganMay 2024
   Wow, this is interesting, very few books I've read more than once! Even fewer are non fiction, but they sure do explain a lot about me:

   - Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker helped me process a number of assaults that happened to me as a child

   - Designing Data Intensive Applications by Martin Kleppmann helped me understand intuitively how databases work and how to use eventual consistency to handle workloads

   - The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive when the World Overwhelms You by Elaine Aron this helped me process my and my families neurodivergence.

   - Structure And Interpretation of Computer Programs by Ableson and Sussman. Great book, it's how I learned to love Lisp. I felt like I grew 10x in skill from completing all the homework.

   - Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training by Mark Rippetoe. This is the book that got me into powerlifting as a regular part of my fitness. I used this to heal my back, neck, and wrist pain. Changed my life.

   - Color and Light: A Guide for the Realist Painter by James Gurney. The GOAT of plein air painting himself teaches so much about how light works on complex forms. I've dog-eared this book.

   - Reinventing Organizations by Frederic Laloux. A great look into how to build and run a self organizing team. Very insightful for when I was leading several teams and needed inspiration for something other than the typical chain of command.

   - The Classroom Management Book by Harry Wong. This book taught me so much about how humans work. I still apply lessons from this book 20 years later.

   - Real World Haskell by O'Sullivan, Goerzen, Stewart. This taught me a lot about Haskell, and got me into all the neat effects needed to make a function pure but still handle IO/async, etc.

   - Peopleware by DeMarco, Lister. My go to book for people management and a philosophy of project management

   - Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples by Gottman. I love this book for teaching me how to be a better spouse and friend.

   - The Bogleheads' Guide to Investing by Larimore, Lindauer. A great guide to building a permanent portfolio that will return consistent gains with the market. Simple in hindsight, thanks to this book. Best book on investing I've ever read.

   - How to Take Smart Notes by Ahrens. Introduces the zettlekasten system for thinking and creativity. Very inspiring, got me to start a personal file that I keep going to this day, five years later.

   - Twenty Small Sailboats to Take you Anywhere by Vigor. I read this book over and over, dreaming of buying a small boat and sailing around the world. Maybe this year...

   Show morethread
2. blaufastAug 2020
   The Science of Trust by John Gottmann is a great read if you are interested in this. Unlike most behavioral health, they use actual science and math to describe and dissect behaviors and outcomes
   thread
3. smaddoxApr 2019
   I've learned a tremendous amount about how to be a better friend by reading "Daring Greatly", "The Science of Trust", and "12 Rules for Life", as well as from how my friends and family have helped me when I'm down.

   Verbally expressing your love and support for your friend, and helping them see the positive aspects of their self, their situation, and the world around them can go a long way. If you can get them to talk about their views, and help them see when they're stuck in unproductive negative self-talk, that can be truly eye opening. Help them love themselves. Encourage them to come on a walk or run or other exercise with you; don't force them or over pressure them, but say that you promise they'll feel better.

   Show morethread
4. smaddoxFeb 2019
   Daring Greatly by Brené Brown revolutionized my understanding of anxiety, guilt, shame, vulnerability, courage and trust. For most of my life, I could not distinguish between the feeling of anxiety and the feelings of guilt, shame, and vulnerability, nor did I understand or see all the different forms of armor I donned in order to avoid feeling vulnerable. This book clarifies the distinction between these feelings, describes the different forms of armor we wear, and discusses how building shame resilience and daring greatly are critical to forming deeper and more meaningful connections with the people around us.

   The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples by John Gottman revolutionized my understanding of trust and relationships. Reading it was like flipping on the light switch after stumbling around in the dark for decades.

   12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson revolutionized my understanding of myth, faith, suffering, evil, meaning, and responsibility. It illuminates the underlying ailments that plague our modern societies and describes what we can and should do, as individuals, to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. It reaffirms the basic tenant of many world religions that suffering is real, and that the intentional creation of unnecessary suffering is evil. And finally, it makes a case that meaning is derived from responsibility.

   Show morethread
5. DonzoApr 2018
   Yes. It would. Here's one from "The Science of Trust" by Dr. John M. Gottman, foremost expert on this subject.

   "As we interview these abused women, Neil and I were astounded by one consistent story about half of these women told us. They said that the best sex they had ever had in their lives occurred right after a violent beating they took from their husbands. The very thought of having sex with someone who had just hit you was totally out of the realm of our experience. Is that the combined result of dopamine and oxytocin."

   I suggest reading the whole book. It's fantastic.

   Show morethread
6. DonzoApr 2018
   As I mentioned to above poster. Here is a source from "The Science of Trust" by Dr. John M. Gottman, foremost expert on this subject.

   "As we interview these abused women, Neil and I were astounded by one consistent story about half of these women told us. They said that the best sex they had ever had in their lives occurred right after a violent beating they took from their husbands. The very thought of having sex with someone who had just hit you was totally out of the realm of our experience. Is that the combined result of dopamine and oxytocin."

   There is more but really I'm at a -4 for making this post, so trying to teach people uncomfortable truths is not well-rewarded around here.

   Show morethread