Radical acceptance
In our current times of global crises and spiking collective anxiety, Tara Brach’s transformative practice of Radical Acceptance offers a pathway to inner freedom and a more compassionate world. This classic work now features an insightful new introduction, an exclusive bonus chapter, and additional guided meditations. “Radical Acceptance offers us an invitation to embrace ourselves with all our pain, fear, and anxieties, and to step lightly yet firmly on the path of understanding and compassion.”—Thich Nhat Hanh “Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork—all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s forty years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students. Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she shows us how we can stop being at war with ourselves and begin to live fully every precious moment of our lives.
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What Hacker News says
- I was in a similar boat, and this book[1] helped me a lot. It deals with the roots of procrastination, which lie in poor mood management and the lack of self-compassion. If you want to go deeper into self-compassion, I found this book[2] very helpful.
[1] Procrastination - Fuschia M. Sirois PhD [2] Radical Acceptance - Tara Brach
- Tara Brach - Radical Acceptance was a game changer. Otherwise : trying to focus on having enough sleep (i.e. staying away from screen at night + enough exercise). Trying to put things into perspective (curiously reading history books helped me). Better organization of my time to be more focused on what really matter (check out Cal Newport books and newsletter). Hope this helps !
- Yeah! Breathing meditations are definitely the right place to start, but there’s really rich stuff after that.
You can kind of view Buddhism as a three step process: the breathing/physical meditation techniques are for learning to direct your attention, and calm yourself down enough that you can pay attention to bodily sensations/your feelings. The next is getting acquainted with your patterns, identity the maladaptive bits, and use various meditations to train your mind into different patterns. The final phase is the more woo-sounding stuff about ego death and no self, and I don’t pretend to have a handle on it.
Some great introductory books: “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach, which is pretty much anti-self esteem. This was personally the most useful to me.
“Peace is Every Step” by Thich Naht Hanh is a great intro, too, followed by “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings.” If you want something that is minimal woo, “Buddhism Without Belief” is pretty great.
Also, the center I’m peripherally involved in is The Florida Community of Mindfulness, based in Tampa. They’ve moved all of their programming to zoom since the pandemic. Practicing meditation with other people is probably the most useful thing you can do. No doubt there are other centers near you, and it might make sense to invest in them, but might be worth watching a couple of saved dharma talks, or tuning into a Sunday service (10am EST). The teacher at FCM, Fred Epsteiner, is very well regarded, though. Tbh I get kind of triggered by older white dudes giving me advice, but lots of people like him. :)
- I’ve found myself asking the same question, particularly from the perspective of learned helplessness. Having experienced now some modest amount of self-acceptance, I’ve found that one good marker of it is empowerment.
Do you feel like you’re standing on a reliable foundation, and able to exert some leverage to achieve your goals? Or do you feel that you’re best off not striving? Those look like two opposite ends of a spectrum to me.
For me, self-acceptance leads directly to empowerment. I feel like my goals are legitimate and worthy of effort. It feels like the energy I might otherwise direct at inward discontent is free instead for other things.
Helplessness feels inert. I feel ok not striving for my [unachievable] goals.
Consider reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It’s written exactly for this.
- A related book that I found very helpful is Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It introduced to me the idea of "self-compassion" which has been much more beneficial to me than self-esteem, and has also discusses meditation as a way to better understand one's self.
- It would help to make this more concrete, in the abstract it's a bit difficult.
Firstly, What kind of problems are you running away from? How do you describe your problems to yourself?
For mood dysregulation stuff: If you're angry or depressed or anxious, I found "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach to be very helpful. Getting help from a therapist is also worth checking out. Good therapists are hard to find, don't settle for just any therapist.
People problems? You don't get along well with your partner or family? Or you don't have people you feel close to? It's complex. A cheap place to start getting a picture of how healthy people relate is by heading Carolyn Hax's daily column. Google her. Going to Al-anon is good if people around you are drinking or being abusive to you. Therapy again is an option, as is meditation and other self-care techniques. Browse the self help section of your local bookstore.
Financial problems? Heath problems? Motivation problems: Not doing work that you like? These are definitely problems that need addressing, but the specifics of how to are even harder in the abstract.
How are you escaping/regulating your emotions yourself now?
The big question here being, is your escapism clearly destructive (drugs and other addictions), or more benign (daydreaming, consuming media). Destructive escapism needs to be addressed directly, one way or another.With drugs, alcohol or other addictive or compulsive behavior With work Just Daydreaming Playing computer games/web surfing/social mediaOne big problem with drugs and alcohol is that they get in the way of developing other, positive self-care mechanisms such as meditation, exercise, sleep and nutrition. Google psychological self-care.
What are your social supports in life? Spouse, family, friends. How can they help you in this?
Explore 'escaping from what?' What's something in your current life that you'd like to escape? What part of the past feels like it's been 'stealing the present', that you'd like to escape from? Personally, I've worked to escape the negative impact that my father's physical and emotional abuse had on me. (The main impact being it turned me into an angry person.)
It's a good thing you've done to reach out and ask for help around this. Consider that you're on a 'Journey of Awareness' to wake up to the reality of your own inner world. Take it on as an active task.
