Simplicity parenting

What Hacker News says

1. UniverseHackerNov 2023
   Also, people imagine PTSD comes specifically from war, starvation, physical injury, etc. but it actually comes from emotional trauma. Emotional trauma to children can be just as bad from a high conflict or high stress household, even if the family is financially secure.

   Having rich parents that fight constantly and emotionally neglect their children is probably emotionally worse than being a homeless war refugee with kind and loving parents... I suspect PTSD is widespread among kids in the middle and upper class, but people categorically deny the possibility of it, and these kids may instead be diagnosed with something else.

   The book "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne was really interesting, because he was actually a psychologist that worked with children in war refugee camps, and later worked with middle class American children from stressful households, and found many of them to be experiencing similar issues, with similar symptoms.

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2. UniverseHackerMay 2023
   I'm a single dad of a 5 year old, here are some ideas I have found helpful:

     -Work to become the kind of person you would like them to grow up to be- they will follow your example, not your instructions
     -Slow down, be patient, and protect them from the stress and rush of adult life. If you are late and angry at them for not getting ready quickly, realize this is your fault not theirs- you didn't plan ahead
     -Be emotionally available. Validate rather than dismiss their concerns. Really listen to them. Be happy when they share difficult feelings or mistakes they made with you, instead of being angry at them. At the same time, don't be too emotionally vulnerable- they don't need to stress about your adult problems.
     -Encourage their passions and interests
     -Spend lots of quality one-on-one time with them, especially  doing physical things outdoors. Take them fishing and hiking solo. Hours spent in nature one-on-one with a parent are the most valuable time in a kids life.
     -Be loving and kind to their mother, even if you aren't together anymore. Never complain or say negative things about her.
     -Help them be part of a community where they learn to know, trust, and interact with people of all ages- join clubs and bring them along, etc.
     -Adopt the mindset that you can take them to do fun activities together, and they are never a burden preventing you from doing what you want, but actually a chance to share what you love with them. Kids can do a lot more than you expect.
     -Learn to set boundaries and enforce rules with calm and kindness. Anger and losing your temper are weakness, not strength. Respond to conflicts the way you would hope they do as an adult.
   

   Some parenting advice that has helped me:

     -The daily dad: daily parenting tips and philosophy by e-mail https://dailydad.com/
     -Book: Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
     -Podcasts and blogs from Janet Landsbury https://www.janetlansbury.com/

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3. UniverseHackerOct 2022
   What has helped me was a combination of trying to really simplify life, and accepting and embracing that things will be hard, and that this will require a lot of energy and strength. I see my pre-parent self as really weak, and am genuinely grateful for how hard this has been, because it has helped forge me into someone with real strength, that I didn't have before and never would have had. I'm not going to lie, I was a mess the first few years as a parent and was massively stressed, couldn't sleep, and couldn't figure out how to find time just to do basic care for my body not alone enjoy hobbies.

   For your example, I usually take out the trash together with him, we each hold half of the handle. It takes 10 minutes to get him dressed and willing to do this, but it works. I try to avoid TV and media, but will occasionally use it as a babysitter when I need to do something like a meeting or cook food. I do sometimes do zoom meetings with him, and cook food together with him. The more I can engage him in adult activities, the less bored he is, and the less he acts up, gets hurt, etc.

   These sources had ideas that helped me the most: * Magda Gerber's RIE Philosophy (see https://www.janetlansbury.com), especially useful before age 3 * Ryan Holiday's "The Daily Dad" e-mail list (now also a book) * "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim Payne and Lisa Ross * "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids" by Bryan Caplan didn't have much specifically useful advice, but basically taught me to just relax and have fun as a parent, and not worry that I am messing everything up * The "Outdoor Boys" Youtube channel. This guy is a total badass, and brings his 3 boys on epic wilderness adventures alone

   I don't have any family support, but did recently move in with an amazing girlfriend, that is willing to help trade off parenting duties.

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4. christophilusJul 2022
   Don’t feel guilty if you lack any of the Hollywood feelings and emotions. I didn’t feel the warm fuzzies the first time I held my kids. I didn’t even particularly like or enjoy them until they were able to move and interact a lot more (3 months, maybe?)

   Also: two books that I found most helpful: Happiest Baby on the Block and Simplicity Parenting.

   YMMV. It’s quite different for everyone.

   Edit: if you’re like me, you’ll pack on the pounds in the next 5 years. I’m working out regularly now and feel / look much better. I wish I’d done that from the start.

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5. christophilusJan 2022
   There is a book called “Simplicity Parenting” which I highly recommend. Basically, you’re right. Parents can cause PTSD in their children by fretting about current events. I’m my opinion, it is our job to insulate them until they are of an age where it’s appropriate to begin such exposure.
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6. conceptionMar 2020
   Simplicity Parenting is an easy and amazing read. The Audiobook is pretty good as well. :)
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