The Art of Loving
"The Art of Loving" (1956) is a seminal work by psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm. In this book, Fromm explores the concept of love in a profound and comprehensive manner, arguing that love is not just a passive feeling but an art that requires practice, knowledge, and effort. Through a detailed analysis, Fromm demystifies the idea that love is something that simply happens, proposing that it must be cultivated like any other skill. He divides love into different categories, including brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, and love of God, discussing the characteristics and challenges of each. Fromm also addresses the nature of love in modern society, criticizing the commercialization and superficiality of human relationships. He suggests that the true essence of love lies in the ability to give, to commit, and to genuinely care for the well-being of others, rather than seeking personal satisfaction alone. In "The Art of Loving," Fromm combines psychological insights with philosophical and sociological analysis, offering a rich and multifaceted perspective on what it means to love. The book remains a relevant and inspiring read, encouraging readers to reflect on their own relationships and the importance of developing the art of love in their lives.
Stats for nerds
19recommend
58mentions
26people
2009–2025years
53% recommend45% neutral2% critical
Mentions per year
What Hacker News says
- At a techno club! I went by myself and was just dancing a little in the back. She approached me and said hello. We danced for a little bit but I was tired and was about to go home so I asked if I could take her on a date. The power of "putting yourself out there" I suppose. I was also peacocking pretty strongly in those days. Signaling that you care about your personal presentation is definitely a "can't hurt, might help" tactic!
I think those are all the relevant facts about how we met but I'll also mention that "meeting your SO" is very much like "getting your foot in the door" for a job interview. "Keeping your SO" is a whole different game akin to "getting the job offer" or "performing well at that job long-term" or better yet, "embarking on a deep spiritual journey". I recommend reading The Soul Of Sex by Thomas Moore for getting in the right headspace of "keeping an SO". I recall The Art Of Loving by Erich Fromm also being helpful. Like any other major endeavor in life, my bet is that I have to commit to a lifelong learning process; in my case I'm always trying to improve my communication, keep the relationship fun, fiercely protect the trust we've built up, keep the passion going, etc. Good luck! We've only been married for two years (together 4 total) so definitely don't put too much weight on my perspective - just a fellow traveler like yourself sharing what's worked for me so far
- If you're looking for more, i have some recommendations for longer stuff around personal growth and insights:
- Erich Fromm, The Art Of Loving. It's about how love (romantic, interpersonal) is not rosy but hard, hard work. All of Fromm's writing is amazing, but this one (for me) had the most personal impact. Another great one is Fromm's The Sane Society.
- Kishimi/Koga's The Courage To Be Disliked. It's classified as self-help, but it's more a pop-psychology summary of Adlerian Psychotherapy. We can choose not to be the product of trauma, or our surroundings. We may get pushed into negative corners by our upbringing, but then we get too comfortable in those negative corners to push ourselves out. The title alludes to a person who has no friends and has a negative image of himself, maybe he's that lonely because he is afraid of being rejected/disliked. He is lonely and miserable, but he is comfortable in the loneliness. It takes courage and hard work on yourself to move out of those holes.
- Hillman/Ventura's We've had a Hundred Years Of Psychotherapy And The World's Getting Worse. In a nutshell, the problem is not always with the individual, often it's just the environment; mindfulness will only get you so far if the house is on fire.
- Becker's The Denial Of Death. We know we die but we don't realise that. How do we generate meaning in the presence of death? There are 'good' (a life project, pushing societies' boundaries) and 'bad' ways (hedonism, drugs etc.). What are the necessary illusions we should create for ourselves to keep pushing?
- Things nobody tells you about relationship dynamics when you are young. Whats a head of you emontionaly? I recommend these to my son.
Erich Fromm The Art of Loving
David schnarch Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love & Intimacy in emotionally committed relationships.
And before you get married... Get some new perspective why ...
Wolfgang gädecke, Sexuality, Partnership and Marriage : From a Spiritual Perspective
- Although I am an avid reader and have been reading on average 1 or 2 books each week for the past 15 years, I don't think I've ever read a book than "changed my life". Looking back, I think the most impactfull book for me was The Art of Loving (1956) by Erich Fromm because it opened up a world of psychology and psychoanalysis and significantly altered my view on how humans think.
Among the classic fiction the best so far were: T. Dreiser - The Bulwark, S. Maugham - Of Human Bondage, L. Tolstoy - The Kreutzer Sonata and E. Zola - l'Oeuvre & Germinal.
- Social philosophy/psychology, or cultural anthropology, is mind-bending to me.
Erich Fromm's The Sane Society - on how society impacts people's mental health, and how to build towards a sane society
Fromm's The Art Of Loving - an analysis of different kinds of loves, trying to dispel pop culture's lies about love, and love is actually hard work
Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death - on how not our fear, but our complete denial of death existing leads to the weirdest outcomes in our society
Then there's political stuff -
Orwell's Essays, any large-ish collection. I find Orwell to be a much, much better non-fiction writer than fiction writer. Extremely insightful into political processes.
Robert Caro's books, perhaps the first The Years Of Lyndon B Johnson. Can't get better insights into how power works on a local and not-so-local level.
Popper's Open Society and its enemies, hard to summarise - a defense of Western society in light of the then-ongoing WW2. You probably saw the paradox of tolerance a few times pop up, that's from that book, among a ton of other stuff.
- For everyone here recommending "How to win friends and influence people" (HWIP), I'd like to offer a counter point and recommend "The Art of Loving", by Erich Fromm.
The basic idea is that love and affection are not just feelings, but actual skills that need to be learned and cultivated.
It also introduces the distinction between being lovable and being loving.
HWIP largely teaches how to make yourself lovable, whereas the Art of Loving teaches the theory behind actively loving and embracing other people. I think it's a vital skill to have in any area of life, including business.
